When celibacy makes you lose touch with your sensuality

Here we go, another blog not super easy to write about but definitely needed, as sometimes it feels great to put words on paper! Today, it is my turn (Fanny) to write about some inner battles that have been happening for quite a while.

I have been sick for a week now, nothing serious, but it is making me feel sad, vulnerable, and weak. And you know how it goes, when we feel low, we have the tendency to think about the past. So lately I keep thinking of the decision I took 2 years and half ago to celibate, but most importantly the consequences of that decision.

His words were the last straw!

In October 2021, I was dating this guy, and one night while we were being intimate, he said to me:

“You are so thin, I could break you!”

Yeah, who says this kind of things, especially while being intimate with someone, right? You will be surprised on how many times men have said shitty things to me. I was shocked and preferred to ignore his comment, but this sentence stuck to my mind (two years later, I am still thinking about it). It was hard for me to hear this as when I was younger I was bullied in middle school for being a small body person. And even though I became more resilient with time against this type of comments, sometimes it still hurts. Especially when I am in a vulnerable moment. But I guess it was the extra push I needed in order to change a few things about my relationships.

Even if I have been lucky to never be in an abusive relationship, my relationship with men has always been complicated: I have been cheated on (classic!), ghosted, lied to so many times, told awful comments... I was also in a 4 years relationship where my partner was secretly keeping track of our sexuality on an Excel spreadsheet. So romantic, isn’t it?

I never seemed to attract the right type of man, but I believe that I was unconsciously attracting what I was looking for. I have always been afraid of commitment, and never really trusted my partners. So self-sabotaging by being with the wrong people was easy!

The change I needed, and it felt great…

After that comment, my body and sexuality shut done instinctively, and I was over men and dating. My libido left the country! Celibating became surprisingly very natural, and I honestly I didn’t plan it to last that long.

The first year felt amazing, and it created so many positive changes in my way of being! I have always been a sexual and sensual person. That sensuality felt like it was my whole personality, from the way I was dressing up to my way of interacting with people, and the energy I was putting out there. But when I took the decision to remove sex from my life, my sensuality disappeared too as it felt like I didn’t need it anymore:

• I changed my wardrobe, prioritizing long and comfy over of short and tight.

• I started to see men as potential friends instead of potential lovers, which changed the way I was interacting with them.

• My body language changed too, became more chill than seductive.

I never realized the amount of energy it took to be my past seductive-self, so focusing on a different part of my personality made me feel lighter. Opening Scandaleuse Photgraphy with Juliette and being a boudoir photographer helped me a lot with body acceptance and increasing my confidence level. But going into celibacy felt like it was the next step I needed in my personal development journey.

… until it didn’t anymore!

Unfortunately, I took it too far without even noticing (with every transformation comes its opposite effect). Since in the past I was using my body to seduce, the fact I shut down my sensuality made me fall into body neutrality and I now feel completely disconnected from it. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can tell I am a pretty woman and I like what I see but in a neutral way. I am able to tell myself there is nothing wrong with my body, but I don’t feel that proudness of looking good anymore. When I think of my body, I feel out of it!

To a point where it is becoming hard to like pictures of myself as I don’t feel impressed. The last time Juliette and I took some boudoir photographs of ourselves for marketing purpose, I was really harsh with myself. And yesterday, when I was looking for a picture of me to illustrate this blog, I cried at my past photographs because I miss the feeling of looking at a photo and being able to tell myself: “Damn, I look hot!”.

On top of that, the idea of being intimate with someone again scares me. This body neutrality has decreased my self-love level and makes me feel less confident and less seductive. Instead of taking a break like I initially wanted, I unintentionally shut down my heart to love others, in a way also to myself, and created a fear I never had before.

I have thought in the past that being sensual was maybe an act, a mask I was putting on to make myself seem more interesting to others, but I was so wrong. Sensuality is part of me, it’s the fire that I need to keep LOVING. Without it, I don’t recognize myself, so it is time to find it back!

Boudoir photography to the rescue!

And the best tool for that is a boudoir shoot to help me reappropriate my body and let my sensuality shine again. Even if we take some photos of ourselves for the business, doing a shoot just for me is a different experience. Boudoir has this therapeutic power that really helps you regain confidence. During the shoot you get the opportunity to wear outfits that make you feel like your most badass-self, you pose in ways that are very flattering for your body, and you get the opportunity to express all your personalities.

Definitively a powerful and transformative experience!

Even if I do not recognize myself lately, I do not regret the decision to celibate because it happened so naturally. This has taught me a lot about myself, and it is the best way to grow!

I am so grateful Juliette and I can self-reflect by writing when we feel like it. We believe that there is no shame in sharing about your personal journeys, and it is a great way to spread awareness on issues others might be dealing with too.

We wanted to thank everyone from our community for being supportive and listening (in this case reading) to what we have to say 💛. Let us know in comments if you can relate to this or if it has happened to you in the past (or any thoughts you have when reading this story)!

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We opened our first studio

Back in 2017, two little French women decided to leave their full-time jobs in Toronto to start what had been a dream for many years: open their own boudoir photography business. Filled with ambition and willpower, they've given it everything and have built the small empire brick by brick, hoping to, one day, reach their next dream: having their own studio.

Now in 2024, we are very proud to say that we have finally started this adventure and now have our home away from home.

What were we doing before?

You are not without knowing that the renting market in Toronto is getting worse every day. Back in 2017, it was already the case and definitely out of reach for a sprouting business. Since we couldn’t afford our space, we were just renting multiple ones on a shoot by shoot basis.

We are not going to lie, it was pretty neat and we are keeping this option available to us even now. It's been a great way for us to keep our creativity up high, to adapt to our clients’ vision and just enjoy somebody else's place.

But after 7 years of business and 11 in Canada, we grew tired of not finding our own vibe.

Combining missing home and our new adventure

It took us a good 6 months to gather the courage to venture in the commercial rental world. Having the same business model for so long made us feel comfortable and safe but also… bored. During the summer of 2023, it was pretty clear both of us had lost our spark and we needed to find it again.

Funny enough, we had some rough ideas of the layout of the studio we initially wanted: open concept, bricks and beams, industrial… But when we actually visited the one we are in now, a completely different vision just manifested itself. Scrap it all, we are going to create multiple rooms with a strong, authentic, Parisian aesthetic. And we made it happen.

If you don't know it already, we are both originally from France. While we love the life we’ve built in Canada for the past decade, we were getting to a point where our homesick episodes were sneakily showing up more often than not. We'd been missing our roots and its aesthetics for a while and having this space to remind us of home has been a blast so far.

Creating your own space VS renting different ones

Yes, we have only had our space for only a few months, but already, the perks we have noticed are pretty amazing.

1) The freedom to transform the space the way we want to.

We have created 3 different rooms and 3 different vibes, and we didn't have to depend on somebody else's vision.

2) Nobody is living in it, so it is fully adapted for creators.

The majority spaces we used to rent were real people's lofts, so naturally, they have their lives in it and plenty of not-so-pretty things, like every living space has.

3) No more worrying about finding the right place at the right time.

It was always quite a stressful aspect of our job: our clients have a limited schedule and lofts get booked often. As if this wasn't challenging enough, we've also had a couple of nightmare situations when the landlords “forgot” we were coming and ghosted us when we were at the door with our clients.

4) We can make a mess!

We didn't expect this to be such a perk, but before, we obviously had to put the place back exactly the way we found it, so we were juggling between shooting and cleaning up as we went. On our space, we have all the time in the world to put it back together afterwards, which allowed us to extend our time with our beloved clients.

5) We can rent it out to other creators

This is a freshly new endeavour we’ve taken: our beautiful apartment is available to rent by the hour for any type of creators! It's so cool to be able to give what we were given for so long.

What about the downsides?

With every new adventure comes some uncomfortable feelings and not-so-fun aspects. Fortunately, we only see a few downsides compared to our previous ways.

1) The rent.

Of course, we now have an official extra rent on top of our personal ones and let me tell you, that's a good pressure on our shoulders. It's not just about sustaining ourselves anymore and it's the first time we've had to deal with this. To make a business grow, you have to take some risks, but it doesn't stop the fear it brings.

2) The possibility of getting bored…?

Being used to shoot in different spaces, we considered before taking on this project that, maybe, we would get tired of our space. Now, of course it is too soon to tell, but even so, we feel it will be very easy to counter, as we have the freedom to do whatever the hell we want.

Hopefully it stays this way (and hopefully we can pay rent ha!). We are very excited to share more with you about this beautiful space and how our vision came to be. Stay tuned…

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Boudoir isn’t for me… I am not photogenic!

“I want to do a boudoir shoot, but I am not photogenic. Actually, I hate having my pictures taken!”

We hear this sentence so often when we meet our clients for the first time (maybe you are one of those many people who really dislike being in front of a camera, comment if it is your case!). Honestly, we cannot blame you. Just like you, both Juliette and I felt awkward being photographed until we started studying photography and started posing as models back in 2009. But then, we discover the truth… Everyone is photogenic! Yes that is true my friend, and let us tell you why 🤗

Why do a lot of people dislike having their pictures taken?

• Religious beliefs & superstitions

Many cultures around the globe believe that a camera can steal a person’s soul when you photograph them. It is said that our reflections are an outward projection of our souls staring back at us. Since a photograph can lock a fleeting instant in time, it can also encapsulate the subject’s spirit within the camera itself.

It actually happened to me once, Fanny, when I was shooting at a wedding. I was about to take a photo of a guest and that person asked me not to because she didn’t want me to take her soul away.

• Childhood experiences

Either it is for school or family photos, children are often forced to have their pictures taken. Most of us remember that awful feeling of being a kid and having to stay still while being told repeatedly to smile, so our family could have nice pictures. Let’s face it, when we are young we don’t care about photography, and we would rather go play. So when we are being forced to do it (or guilted into doing it) anyway, it creates a negative experience, which can be traumatic for some people!

• Lack of body-love

Society had taught us what beauty means (mostly looking youthful and being thin, while having specific attributes) 😤. So for those who don’t like their body, either because they don’t like the way they look or they feel uncomfortable in their skin, and they see themselves in a way that doesn’t comply with those beauty standards, they feel repelled by their own image.

In their mind, all they see is that their body contradicts with everything they think they should be, and everything they think makes them valuable in this world. It is hard to feel comfortable having your pictures taken when you think there is something wrong with the way you look.

• Expectations

In people’s mind, posing = being unnatural. Simply because when someone is photographing you, there is this expectation that you have to have a big smile on your face, look happy, and have a straight posture. And for most people this expectation is a big obstacle, like being told once again to pretend.

Of course it is always better to look happy and confident on photos, but there are so many different ways of showing it that don’t have to feel forced.

• Past disappointment

Last but not least (and this is something that happens a lot): having bad photos of yourself. Either they were taken by professional photographers, amateurs, loved ones, or badly done for whatever other reasons, we all have photos of ourselves we hate. Disappointments happen, but it makes it hard to trust a photographer again.

Even if intimidating, boudoir photography is your best ally.

Many people are intrigued by the world of boudoir, or they want so badly to do a shoot, but the idea of being half naked in front of a stranger is too nerve-wracking for them to take that next step! And we understand the struggle!

If you are someone who is not confident with your body and who doesn’t like being in front of the camera, having your photos taken that reveal more skin than with a regular photo shoot, might make you think that your boudoir experience will be a disaster. You have all of those little voices in your head that are telling you that you will be awkward because you don’t know how to pose, that you will hate seeing your body in the nude, and that you will find yourself ugly. So you give up on the idea!

Those combined doubts you have about your body and photography are based on your past experiences, external judgments, and fears. All that negativity has impacted the way you see yourself and your personality, making you feel like you can’t have beautiful pictures of yourself because you are not good enough. Since it is really hard to get those vicious thoughts out of your head, the solution is to find the photographer that will make you love yourself again. And boudoir photography is the best tool to help you see your body in a new light and regain that forgotten confidence!

When you do a boudoir shoot you do it for you, wearing the outfits that make you feel like your most sensual-and-confident-self. You let all your different personalities out because it is your time to shine and no one is here to drag you down. You leave the session feeling unstoppable because you just did something that was maybe a bit scary, and you end up with badass photographs of yourself that will stay with you forever!

Is everybody really photogenic?

Absolutely! Being photogenic does not mean smiling awkwardly in front of a lens. It is about being yourself and seeing the camera as a friend who will show you how magnificent you look 💛.

So get that though out of your head and book that boudoir shoot you deserve!

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5 reasons to do a boudoir shoot you wouldn't think of.

Many traditional reasons come to mind when thinking of doing a boudoir session. Offering the photos as a gift for a special someone, celebrating a milestone, challenging yourself in lingerie… All of these are very valid reasons, but today, we wanted to share extra ones you may have never thought of.

1) Getting to see yourself as Art.

Let's be honest, getting images of yourself you are in love with is hard. We are definitely our worst critique, and are not shy to talk down to ourselves. When we do find said photo, it becomes the only one we refer to when needed.

While you should get some photos you like during a professional photoshoot, we think a boudoir photography session - when done properly and with the right photographers 😉 - gives you way more than that.

You are dealing with actual artists. People who will see beyond your physical appearance, who won't even notice anything you are insecure about and will create a whole concept, light, set around who you are to, finally, translate it all in actual art pieces. When done right, you will end up with images you will want to stare at forever.

2) The long lasting effect on your confidence

One of the biggest reason to do a boudoir shoot is to increase your confidence. But what people don't know is that this confident boost is not showing only during the photoshoot: it sticks with you for a long time afterwards.

The confidence brought out during a boudoir photoshoot will shine on many other areas of your life. You will stand taller. You will dare to do more things, take more room, make bigger decisions. It replenishes your self-trust, and god knows we can all use a layer of that.

3) Bringing light on sides of yourself that don't get to shine often

Between adapting ourselves to others, fighting our own insecurities, dealing with beauty standards, not daring to wear what we want, our brains are polluted with restrictions we apply to ourselves. During a boudoir shoot, you can just let go of all of these and have fun exploring and bringing out those sides of yourself.

Feeling like wearing a sexy cocktail dress while holding a glass of whisky despite living your every day life in corporate outfits? Go for it. Do you want to wear a victorian tulle robe just for the hell of it? Yes please. What about that badass harness you would never dare wearing in public? Bring it.

A boudoir photoshoot is a judgement free zone. If anything, it is encouraged to be creative and more importantly: be extra.

Give yourself a chance to be sensual, to try different looks and illustrate the different facets of your personality!

4) For fun and quality time with yourself.

Since boudoir can feel vulnerable and intimidating, it is very easy to forget that it is actually fun. For a couple of hours, no one is asking anything from you besides just letting loose, and that's REFRESHING.

5) Help a great cause

Last but definitely not least: you can actually make a difference in a specific cause, by picking a specific photographer.

We have the best example to give you at the moment: for the whole month of October, we are giving 10% off our session fee and donating a portion of the proceeds to the Pink Ribbon Boutique, a store that specializes in prosthetics and lingerie for breast cancer survivors.

If you were looking for one last push before booking a shoot for yourself, know that you can help a breast cancer survivor purchase a prosthetic with your booking.

Follow this link for details or click on the button below!

The time we stopped dreaming big

Wanting to start your business usually means to have some dreams. Even more so when you are a creative as it is very likely you are linking your passion and your job together. That's what we did 7 years ago when we opened Scandaleuse. We had a plan, our heads were filled with dreams bigger than us. While we have accomplished some, we realized not too long ago that we unconsciously gave up on many in the process.

How the hell did it happen to begin with?

1) The pandemic.

This is definitely the biggest reason of it all. Everybody's world went upside down, and like many other businesses, we saw our work possibilities crumble and our future extremely uncertain.

The pandemic made us enter a survival mode: we couldn't actually work and we didn't know for how long. Once we got slightly out of it, starting to work some bigger dreams was completely out of the question: we had to recover from our losses and we had to do it fast. On top of it all, it's also left us with the reality that nothing is really that stable, and that's the perfect recipe to develop self-doubt.

2) Our ideas weren't doable to way we wanted to initially.

Back in the day, many of our big ideas were a lot more accessible. For example, getting a studio on our own was not that out of reach with the growth we have been having pre-pandemic. Since the inflation entered the chat, this idea started crawling away and instead of reshaping it and adapt it, we labeled it as "impossible” in our brain and we… ignored it. Until some feelings started creeping in…

The consequences on our well-being

It is pretty safe to assume that, if you don't work towards something bigger and more exciting than what you are currently doing, your mental health takes a hit.

Our productivity, our drive, our creativity and even the confidence in our ability went down. We were stagnating in our growth. But the worst was this small feeling of emptiness settling in our minds without us noticing. Then it grew bigger and bigger, leading us through one existential crisis after the other. What are we building and where are we going were the 2 key questions floating around. At some point, we had to face the fact: we just didn't allow ourselves to dream anymore and it needed to change.

How we got out of it: the mindset shift

The first step was to acknowledge and make peace with the reasons stated above. Then, we had to understand that we were thinking about some ideas backwards. The biggest one being that we needed to reach a certain amount of cash flow before executing bigger projects. Of course, you need to, to a certain extent, but the reasons above made us forget that you also need to invest money and take risks to… make money.

We also starting talking to our closest friends and loved ones. While we expected to have to deal with discouraging comments - mostly because we were giving them to ourselves - we were pleasantly surprised to hear than everybody was excited and positive. Even better, they gave us some options we didn't even think of.

Slowly, the fear barometer lowered and the confidence one increased. And the butterflies in our stomach have started to come back.

Now what?

We have decided to work on getting a proper space for Scandaleuse. It is truly outside of our comfort zone, but the feeling of excitement it gives us makes it worth it already. While it probably won’t be easy, we have no doubt that we will have a beautiful space ready to welcome all of you and host many more projects we have had in mind for years.

It is such a nice feeling to let yourself daydream about what you can do and we are strong believers in the fact that it is going to unblock some dormant energies we haven't seen in a while…

Thank you for following us in our entreprenarial journey. We cannot wait to share more with you!

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Artist vs Entrepreneur

Juliette and I met in photography school in Paris 12 years ago. We spent 3 years learning about photography, its history and different technics (we even learnt about photographic film which was a lot of fun!). That process of learning pushed us to always discover and create more, we felt like true artists.

Juliette & Fanny, many many many moons ago, in photography school 📸

We were using each other as models and always had weird (cough - I mean interesting) ideas that ended up being really cool 🕶️. It was all about figuring out our style by trying random things. We did not care about likes and comments or making money, it was all about creating.

Then we opened Scandaleuse and things changed. Don’t get us wrong we still give all of our creative energy and love to our work and community, but becoming business owners shift your perspective about art and our passion.

Having a business changes everything!

The main goal of opening a business is to make a living out of it. You spend countless of hours working on your branding, building a trustful reputation, finding professional relationships and new clients. You invest so much energy, time, and money, that you do every you can to make a return on all that investment. Which means that unfortunately you put most of the creative enjoyment on the side and focus on what your clients would enjoy.

Of course you create your branding at your image and your clients come to you because they enjoy and can relate to your style, but creating for your business is different than creating just for yourself.

If we were to only focus on being artists, we will put our clients in more complicated poses, creative and colourful makeup, always nude or in weir outfits… But the way we do boudoir photography is to make it accessible to everyone and get away from traditional boudoir. For us it is really important to make sure we adapt to our clients rather than the other way around, and even if our Scandals like our style they still want to look like themselves during their shoot. So we do have to follow their taste and add a bit of our twist to the mix. Honestly we are ok with this because people who shoot with us always have cool ideas but they are also happy to follow our directions!

And whenever we feel the need to explore our creativity and do personal shoots, we know we have people in our community who are always up to go on our boudoir adventures 😍

What to do if you feel like you are loosing your creativity and passion?

When you have a full-time business, especially as a creative, you can easily lose your passion to focus only on money. It is not something that happens right away, it take years before realizing that your business is killing the artist within you. One day you wakeup feeling unmotivated and frustrated, without understanding why. Then you realize you haven’t created in a long time just for the sick of creating because you have been too focused on your business.

Well the solution is quite simple:

Take some time to work on a personal project to refuel your creative juice!

For example, if you are a photographer think about an idea or style you want to experiment, find a model or two (or 20 if you have a crazy big vision), maybe add other creative peeps on your project, and make it this project come to life! Don’t think about how many likes or comments you can get from it on social media, or how much you could sell the pictures for, do it just to fill yourself with joy and pride.

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What "self-care" really is.

For the past couple of years or so, “self-care” has been popping up everywhere you look, at all times. It's around so much that it's become some sort of trend and we don't even know what it actually means anymore because everyone has different definitions. Since we are big advocates of what we call “true” self-care, this is our contribution.

If we really think about it, we have "care" in "self-care".
Let's have a look at its standard definition:

"The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something."

Meaning that self-care is You providing You the tools you need to function in a healthy, safe and grounded way. Physically, mentally, it pretty much applies to anything you deal with in your life.

Are we all good so far? Good.

Treating yourself is different than caring for yourself

Oh boy is it easy to mix them up. The biggest difference is as follows:

Treating yourself relies on instinct.

It is usually a quick & easy fix to feel good in a very specific moment and it fades fairly fast. Moreover, treating yourself is not always good for you. Like indulging into drinking that whole bottle of wine to yourself or eating that enormous bag of cheetos watching Gilmore Girls. Feels good in the moment, but afterwards, not so much.

Self-care requires more work but comes with long-term effects. You are simply setting yourself up for a better version of You. 

And to tell you the truth, self-care doesn't always feel good at first. It's like going to the gym for someone that never worked out before. At first, you hate it. It challenges you, makes you feel sore and out of your comfort zone. But stick to it for a while and only then you will get the benefits that leads to actual self-care. 

Self-care takes time because you need a while to build a habit that will result in a positive outcome for You. Again "care" = protected, maintained and healthy. And that doesn't come easy in a world where we are constantly stimulated and influenced in a zillion directions.

So to make it simple: treating yourself is a punctual feel-good relief VS self-care is a long-term process to set yourself up for a better You

The other thing that we have also noticed is that the words "self-care" have been thrown around so much in ads, online & prints, that it has now been used as an excuse. You don't feel like doing something? Slap the "self-care'' label on it and don't do it. We are all guilty of that. If you don't want to stick to your work-out routine, fine, but what about when other people are involved? 

Inconsideration is not too far from nowadays' "self-care" definition.

Let's say you are planning something for weeks. You're taking care of everything and invited a bunch of your friends you really want to spend time with, who RSVP-ed. I bet you that at least 2 people will not show up last minute because "they don't feel it anymore" or worse "something else came up" (= something else that it turns out they would rather do, we are obviously not talking about an emergency situation here.). Some may not even tell you and just not show up. Lovely. 

Prioritizing yourself in one thing. And we know you need to do it for your own sanity and well-being. But from the moment it removes accountability or reliability, it is not self-care, it's just you being a dick.

And guess what? You do need a good circle of real friends and family to grow, be inspired, to evolve in general.

Nurturing relationships and being respectful to others is part of self-care too. It is another way to set yourself up for a better future because you will be surrounded by love. Wow the virtuous cycle. 

Everyone's purpose is to feel in harmony with ourselves and self-care is the ultimate way to make it there. Is it an easy path? Nope. Is it worth it? Undoubtedly yes. For you because you will accomplish your dream goals, but also for others, because once you really get in touch with yourself, you also help your surroundings get there too. And that's how the world changes for the best. Now take care.

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Censorship, Shadow banning: how social media sabotages our small business

Picture this: it is 2017, in the Toronto Reference Library. Two younger and eager Juliette & Fanny are nervously giggling at the "PUBLISH” button on their website. Finally, Scandaleuse was about to be shared with the world after so many hours being built in their heads. One click later, the business was officially born, and the word needed to be spread out.

What do you do then? Well, you start building an online presence. That's what business people say to do. We had a beautiful portfolio, tons of ideas and were ready to rock the social media madness.

Until, not even a week in, our posts got deleted and our accounts got threatened to be removed from Instagram and Facebook. Try to spread the word about your small business when you can't even post what you do.

You may wonder: "wow, what did the share for this to happen? Porn? Someone eating a kitten?" AHA. Just barely revealing boudoir photos than the platforms decided were for "adult sexual solicitation” (!!!). And it has been like that ever since.

Example of said “adult sexual solicitation”….

Why do we care to begin with?

We are going to be very honest: our clients don't come from social media, or very rarely. We could probably get away with not having a social media presence at all. The reasons why we are working so hard on our Instagram is for 4 main goals:

• Build a kind and respectful community;

• Educate around sensuality, body love and removing its negative stigma and pressure;

• Inspire and empower people (especially women) to be who they want to be;

• Show real bodies in an ocean of heavily edited, unachievable BS.

When our posts aren't taken down, we do succeed. We have met wonderful people and created beautiful projects thanks to social media, the most recent being our Unstoppable Exhibit, which also became the last straw in our thought process of getting the hell out of social media, once and for all.

As you can imagine, we have gone through multiple phases with our online presence, some comical, some a lot less.

The social media phases yours truly went through:

1) The "F*** you, we will do what we want" phase

That's when the little rebels that we are decided to try to stick it to the Man! You don't want us to post nipples? We will talk about it even more. We became officially black listed and to this day, we can't even do paid ads anywhere even if we posted the photo of a baby alpaca. That lasted a couple of years, until we realized we were pretty powerless and the removal of our accounts was imminent.

2) The "Fine, we will play by the rules" phase.

We became good girls and adjusted our entire vision to make sure the censorship monster wasn't gonna smack us. Nipples were blurred out and all. But then, IG changed once again their policy and it wasn't just the photos themselves that needed to be super PG, but also the wording.

Writing things like “nudity” “boudoir” “sexy” and so on became automatically flagged. The posts weren't deleted, but they weren't shown to anybody. 👌 That's shadow banning, and as you can imagine, completely useless for anybody trying to build a social media presence.

3) The "pack your bags and go" phase.

We were dealing with our shadowban frustration, battling with the "what is even the point of busting our butts with well thought and genuine content if nobody can see it?!", but we were still kicking.

Until we started talking about our Unstoppable Exhibit.

See, this project was solely created to spread awareness about domestic violence and collect donations for 2 charities offering help and shelters to the victims. But guess what. The words "domestic violence" or "abuse" are flagged. The series of photos contains partial nudity. So the posts were barely shown and it 👏 pissed 👏 us 👏 off.

Having to censor ourselves about our artistic work is already annoying enough, but seeing it happen when we are sharing content that could literally save lives was the last straw.

Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there

It has been 6 years now that we launched our social media platforms and this censorship is still happening and unfortunately getting worse. Recently we noticed that now even Google is removing some of our business posts (once again for inappropriate content 😡) and there is nothing we can do beside changing the main picture over and over again until we find the “proper” one.

It might not seems like it but this BS is time consuming and a big factor of stress. 90% of our clients find us through Google so the idea of being censored there is very scary as it could impact our business negatively.

We constantly feel this Damocles sword above our heads.

So… what now?

We love what we do and work really hard to build our business and educate people on the over-sexualization of the female body. So we had to find an alternative:

We are spending less and less time and energy on those stupid social media platforms, and devoting much more to our newsletter. This is our own land, we can share whatever we want to without fearing to be removed. Not having to worry about this is giving us a new love for writing and sharing.

Every Saturday, we combine a mixture of the following in our "Scandaleuse Letter":

- educational resources;
- empowering tips & tricks;
- gorgeous photography;
- new projects; and,
- behind the scenes.

Our only hope? That you will join the 500 people that are already there.

All you have to do is fill out the form below. You can unsubscribe at any time.

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We can't wait to see you on the other side,

With love 💖,

- The slightly older but still eager Juliette & Fanny

Should I keep my pictures private?

A lot of people are hesitant about doing a boudoir shoot because they do not really know how they will be using their pictures. Some can't imagine sharing them and the idea of other people seeing their photographs is sailing away the boudoir shoot boat, no matter how bad they want to try it..

Online sharing or not online sharing

If there is one main takeaway from this blog post, it is this: the choice of posting your photos online is yours and only yours. Not your partner. Not your family. Not your friends. Just yours. If it makes you feel good and safe to share them, just go ahead. On the other hand, if your desire is to keep those pictures private, then it is your right, no question asked.

That being said, we do encourage sharing your pictures with at least your loved ones and here is why:

Because you are also a source of inspiration to the people close to you.

You might think that only those massive influencers have an impact online, but we all get even more impacted by the people from our intimate circle. If someone we know does something we find inspiring, it will definitely make a long-lasting impression on us.

With your photos, you have the opportunity to inspire your loved ones, near or far. And we are not just talking about boudoir! Your showing that you've done something outside of your comfort zone will likely spark a fire for someone else to do the same.

It works with strangers too. If you only knew the amount of new Scandals who told us the reason they reached out was because they saw someone they could relate to on our page. How does it feel to be someone else's muse?! 

Breaking the code of unachievable beauty standards.

It's no secret that the media constantly promotes unachievable beauty standards. Even though we have seen some improvement, there is still a long way to go, and many more people left feeling like absolute garbage when staring at themselves in front of the mirror.

By sharing your photos, you are sharing what a body is really like. With the skin details, the little rolls, the curves, the bumps. THIS is how we break the mold. The more we can identify with who they see in the media, the less shame and pressure we will feel. And if we wait for the media to fix this for us, we are going to be here a while. The ball is in our court!

Being proud of yourself.

Hey, you did something outside the box, something many people would never dare to do. You left feeling great about yourself and ready to get familiar with this freshly discovered confidence. It is an achievement, and sharing achievements feels good. Toot your own horn for a minute (or two)!

The satisfaction of going against the grain.

This is more personal gain, but we can all agree that one of the best feelings ever is to be a bit rebellious. Yes, you know what we mean! Doing something that's generally frown upon for no reason at all…. It is so damn liberating and it leaves us wanting more. Just give yourself that satisfaction already!

Never forget that You can be a beautiful source of inspiration to someone you wouldn't expect and that you can provoke changes, even if it is just in your immediate surroundings.

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Why the French cliches make boudoir “à la française” super badass

A few months ago, we had a little realization: our boudoir style is very French. Naturally, since we are both from France to begin with, this was completely unconscious until we noticed we were saying quite often: “you look very French" to our lovely clients.

It got us thinking: besides our nationality, why do we gravitate towards this specific style and more importantly, why do we want you to try it so bad? Allow us to share our personal opinions on the matter…

A naked body is… just a naked body.

Don't get us wrong, we also deal with many unachievable beauty standards and body shaming. But the perception of nudity is different.

Since the beginning of time, nudity in France hasn't always been associated with sexuality, like it tends to be in North America. From the various art mouvements picturing a lot of nudity (looking at you, Renaissance!), to seeing our own mothers sunbathing topless on the beach, we just didn't ask ourselves if it was okay or not: it just was.

In our opinion, having this mentality definitely contributed to…

The "no f*cks given” attitude.

It is pretty known that the French have an unapologetic attitude. We consider it very accurate and this translate nicely in boudoir, as it becomes the perfect opportunity to make a statement and create a paradox: for example, we tend to have photos looking straight at the camera, doing nonchalant poses like you have not a care in the world while being in a vulnerable context, wearing outfits that would be frown upon in many ways. This rebelliousness is something we want to get you to try during a session, because it feels so damn good.

For a moment, you are breaking the codes in a world we are constantly told to follow them.

It's easier to conceptualize doing something for yourself.

French people are known to be individualistic, and once again, we tend to agree. Of course, it can come with a negative side such as selfishness, but on the other end, it is more normal doing something for yourself because you want to. Many women we work with in Canada haven't taken that chance to create some quality time with themselves in years. Many of them think they don't even deserve it. Giving them the chance to do it through our work is one of our favourite reasons why we shoot boudoir.

It is also why we say every single day that a boudoir shoot is for yourself first and not a partner. And to let you in on a little confidence: the rare times we get an inquiry that states that the shoot is solely for a boyfriend or husband, they fall through!

The French Fashion

The french fashion is not afraid to play with the codes and this is another very strong asset that bleeds into boudoir very easily. Why? Because it makes you stay away from the traditional boudoir outfits. Funny enough, lingerie is French to begin with, but yet, the French are so versatile in style that lingerie is not the main outfit during our sessions.

Playing with feminine and masculine outfits is also extremely common, which makes it even more interesting for artists: there are no limits.

There you have it: french clichés definitely work in our favor for boudoir and we should all take advantage of that.

Use them to feel strong, powerful, beautiful. To let go, to play, even if it is just for a moment. You will see how liberating that can be and you will ask for more. Oh and of course: free the nipple 😉.

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Throwback to: the Unstoppable Exhibit

Back in March earlier this year, we hosted our first ever opening night for an art project close to our hearts: the Unstoppable Exhibit.

This idea turned into so much more thanks to the many people we met along the way. Before we knew it, what was supposed to be a simple group photoshoot filled with “badassery” became a fundraiser against domestic violence, supporting 2 beautiful charities.

Now, a few months later, it is finally time for us to look back at this wonderful night and tell you everything.

Before the big day
(also known as how we were blown away by people's support.)

We already shared with you how we even came to build this project here. Now, we were a few days away from our big opening night and it was time to roll up our sleeves to prep an event we had never planned before.

It was really important for us to offer an art show à la Française. Not only did the show need to look clean and professional, but we wanted people to dress up, be able to have wine (in real wine glasses!), food and mingle.

The first step that made our hearts sing was getting the prints. When we picked up all the prints from Fotobox, we finally felt like everything we were doing was for real.

The second step was getting an official sticker, like in museum. You can't imagine the feeling of accomplishment a simple sticker on the wall can do. Saman Design took care of this for us, purely out of kindness.

Of course, the set up wasn't without any troubles. Some of the walls were concrete and the only way to hang anything from them was to drill. We can do many things, but drilling concrete is not one of them! Another kind soul named Cormack drove out of his way to make this happen for us.

After a solid 10 hours, a lot of nails and swearing, everything was set up and ready to go for the next day.

The big night
(also knows as : when reality exceeds expectations)

We were both pretty relaxed having set up the day before. Paradise Grapevine and Downtown Winery had generously donated wine, the food had been ordered, glasses were delivered. We expected to just set up the last minute things, relax and partake in the festivities with everybody else.

We told ourselves : if we have 30 people and manage to raise a $1000, we will consider it a big win. We're such a tiny business, absolute beginners in planning art shows, this is already quite the accomplishment.

We sold out at 55 tickets and raised over $3000.

Now, you may think 55 people isn't a big deal. For this space, it is. We were absolutely packed. People showed up right when the doors opened and ended up lining up at the door trying to get last minute tickets.

Meanwhile: we were in way over our heads

We are not going to lie to you, this entire evening is a blur and taught us many lessons such as: we should have thought more about the actual evening. We worked so hard on the before that we kind of forgot to see what work will need to be done during the opening night.

For example: we should have had staff. We ended up having to wash wines glasses, serve said wine, take care of print sales, and walk people through the exhibit. Luckily, a few friends saw our struggles and jumped in, but we wish we had spent more time talking to everybody the way we wanted to.

To our surprise, we also sold most of the prints for the evening. It was absolutely incredible for us as it was a testament that we went from an entrepreneur position back to artists.

This experience is our proudest achievement in our careers so far. We have many ideas brewing at the moment, and we know for a fact that we will be doing it again.

Since videos speak louder than words, you can see below a short clip of the entire evening.

You will also see that we had wonderful performers who donated their talent during the evening. Avah Coco is an amazing singer and Petra Queen of the Nile is a kick-ass burlesque dancer. Thank you both for honouring us with your talents.

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How words can impact your mind and body

Language is a powerful tool which brings people together and help understand each other. But unfortunately it can also be used as a weapon when put between mischievous hands. Since it is easier for a lot of people to criticize rather than giving compliments, words can be extremely harmful.

By the way I, Fanny, am writing this blog. But I can also speak for Juliette as she also got hurt from people’s comments when she was younger!

Like most people I am lacking self-confidence from time to time. Not about my body, more about my skills and intellect (this will be for another blog though 😬). I feel very fortunate I was able to accept and love how my body looks like naturally, but it wasn't always the case! It took me many years to realize that all the beauty standards I grew up with were BS and how to reclaim my own beauty. Honestly photography helped a lot and I am really glad I chose that path!

I used to wish to be curvier, taller, have thicker wrists, have a perfect skin… I was wishing to be different not only because of what I was seeing in magazines or tv, but also because people around me were criticizing me about my body.

When your loved ones are not so loving

Juliette was criticized for being overweight, I was criticized for being skinny and short:

-“You look like a garden gnome hahaha!”

- “I should not talk about that in front of you! What are you, 14 or so?” (I was 22 😢)

- “Are you not ashamed of not having boobs?”

- “Are you sure you don't suffer from anorexia?”

… I could keep going on and on.

Most of those awful sentences came from friends or people I knew, and every time they broke me into thousand pieces. Until a classmate told me the worst one someone could ever say to me “your mom should be so ashamed for giving birth to an anorexic girl. What an embarrassment!”.

That sentence was a wake up call! Like Juliette, I had a “F**k that! Never again” moment and told myself that I will never let words put me down ever again.

Relax, it was just a joke!

That famous: “I was joking!”… I am pretty sure we can all relate right? And maybe we did it too without realizing we hurt someone. We don’t know if it was the same for you but Juliette and I grew up in France where sarcasm is very common. People from the same family and friends pocked each other, made jokes about the way they look or their personality, and ended up with a "you are so sensitive, it was just a joke!” if the person was hurt or taking it the wrong way. We were both victims of those comments that could be soul crushing.

And yes maybe it was just a “joke”, but for some reason that day those words sticked to your mind. Maybe it wasn’t the first time you heard those words or maybe you were already having a bad day and was feeling a down. When a loved one tells you several times how overweight they think you are or how an idiot you can look like, even if they say it with a touch of humour, you ended up believing those words and less in yourself.

When the critics come from yourself!

Raise your hand if you have ever called yourself stupid. Raise your hand if you have ever looked at your reflection in the mirror with a disgusted look on your face. Raise your hand if you have ever been unkind to yourself! Are you raising both hands right now and need a third one? Yep, me as well :(

Self-criticism is so common! It is very easy to be harsh with our body and our mind, yet the things we tell ourselves we would never tell that to someone else. So why this need of self-harm and sabotage?

What we want you to do from now on is to talk to yourself the same way you would talk to your best friend.

Start seeing your body as a friend who needs love instead of seeing it as an enemy. Kindness is not only meant to comfort others!

It is hard to detach ourselves from the negative things people can tell us or have told us in the past because it is painful. But the truth is that people have the tendency to project their own insecurities on you rather than dealing with their problems. So the next time someone criticize you, remember there is a big chance that person is just showing how they really think about themselves in a specific situation.

Once you get that, people’s hurtful words will not affect you anymore!

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Taking intimate photos doesn't make you a “whore”

On the 2022 list of "things we don't tolerate anymore, whatever the excuse is”, slut shaming is in the top 3!

We have heard too many times from people in our community, that some people in their life believe it is inappropriate for a woman to do a boudoir shoot. For example, one of our lovely Scandal messaged us saying how one of her close friends decided to stop talking to her after seeing her boudoir photos online. Long story short, her "oh so scandalous photos" made her look like she was an attention seeker and could not be trusted, especially around said-friend's husband. Mind-blowing, isn't it?

We have a universal truth for you: taking photos of yourself in a sensual setting showing partial, suggested or full nudity, does NOT make you a whore. It makes you a freaking goddess. And it might surprise you, but it has nothing to do with any physical aspects.

There are 3 types of people:

1. Those who are in the process of conquering their fear of something, anything, by stepping out of their comfort zone. They seek Happiness with a capital H and believe it resides in continuous learning and positive challenges in life.

   They know the recipe but haven't started putting the ingredient together yet.

2. Those who are a few steps ahead with a few life experiences under their belts, thus have already learnt to develop a "no fucks given" mentality and celebrate the fact that they can be who they really are.

   They have built solid foundations of confidence and it shows in everything they touch.

3. Last but not least: those who don't dare thinking outside the box and, quite frankly, are pretty scared to explore what's happening on the other side of the white pickets fences of "proper" beliefs they -or their environment- have built for them.

Guess which persona usually reaches out to us? #1 & #2. Why? Because they understand that boudoir photography is far from being just pretty photos. It is a set of tools given to you to start or finish the process of embracing yourself.

Gain some experience points and level up

By embracing yourself, you are taking the chance to live your life to the fullest, according to your needs.

Here is the super important part: by learning to do this, you are demolishing negative beliefs, you become much better at facing obstacles, you are significantly decreasing any source of anxiety and you trust your guts. You know what you need and are not afraid to do what it takes to make it happen. In other words: you know your worth!

Suddenly, the path to your dream job doesn't seem out of reach anymore. Or you know you can work your ass off to build the home of your dreams.

You will also attract relationships who will respect, appreciate and lift you up. Bonus: you will know how to do the same to others because you can acknowledge other people's worth too.

Think of it as a major level up. We like to think with each skills acquired in life, we have little "xp" points popping up above our heads like in video games. The higher you go, the more tools you unlock to keep leveling up.

So what if you use boudoir photos as a part of your ongoing growth?

There is something to learn in every experiences you go through. We know that and you know it too.

A boudoir experience is just a tool given to you to level up. Grab it, enjoy it a 100%, and take everything you can out of it. For yourself but also others. Because once you do get on the other side of basic beliefs, you will reach your hand out to bring others in too.

That's how strong teams are created and changes are made.

If you have that deep desire to try a boudoir shoot but you don't feel ready to take the first step yet; we created this detailed online boudoir program. It is the perfect opportunity to get a first taste of boudoir photography at home, with just you and your beautiful self.

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