older woman

I had this constant fear preventing me from actually living. If I died tomorrow, what would be my regrets?

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion. Read them all!

If I had listened, I would never have become the woman I am today.

I am a stubborn person who has the unfortunate habit of listening to her intuition and taking risks. That's why I decided to write three situations when I chose to listen to myself rather than follow a logical path. Those ended up being the most decisive moments in my life.

 
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When I left the family home

I come from a family where work is more important than anything else. My mother found me my first job as a maid in a hotel at 15 years old and I stayed there for over 8 years.

All family discussions revolved around this hotel. I was so unhappy for so long, my life became more unbearable every day.

I was too afraid of my parents’ reaction if I were to leave that I had to find a way to avoid justifying myself. I had to leave my home.

I didn’t have much money or furniture other than what was in my room. In order to quickly raise funds for my project, I sold my car and shared a place with a friend. I moved out in February 1999 and in April 2000 I left my job. The year following this decision was even more difficult. I was working part-time in a clothing store, but, I was "FREE".

Free from the pressure of my parents, free from work that made me sick, but most importantly, free to do what I wanted to do and free to become everything I wanted. I never regretted this decision and my parents finally understood that I wanted other things in my life.

When I got my heart broken and lost a friend

Around the same time, I got my heart broken. I am aware now that it was mostly because of my fear, my low self-esteem and lack of experience. He didn’t only break my heart into a million pieces, but it also made me physically sick.

Fear was my biggest enemy. It prevented me from having a beautiful story to share and fulfilling this dream of having someone close to me, even for a moment.

To top it all off, I also lost a dear friend. A man who, the first night of his retirement, died of an aneurysm. He had worked all his life to support his family, whom he didn’t see very often because he was so dedicated to his job. The days before his death, he told me how eager he was to rest, to "cut wood" at his cottage, take time for his family, and so on. He didn’t even have the chance to live one of those moments because he died just before. It was a wake-up call.

I was Working non-stop, doing exactly what was expected of me and I had this constant fear preventing me from actually living. If I died tomorrow, what would be my regrets?

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I had way too many dreams to be yet fulfilled so I decided to take care of myself. I moved alone in my own apartment and I found a job that would allow me to achieve two of my three greatest dreams, sing and travel.

The third, finding my life partner is still a dream. The lifestyle choices I made so far haven't led me there yet, I hope to get there someday.

When I Left my roots, my family and my friends.

In my mid-30s, I felt like I was going around in circles. Even though I had been told that I had everything I needed to be happy, I felt the thirst for life

The anger that often gave me the boost I needed to move forward was getting stronger on a daily basis. It was time to make a decision and I decided to leave everything behind.

I left my family, my friends and my job aka financial safety net, just because I needed to see what was on the other side of the fence. It was tough, especially on the social aspect: at 35, you can’t create a social network as easily as in your 20's but, I didn’t give up and worked hard to build a life for myself. It's been 8 years since I left my roots and I have never regretted it.

Life challenges us every day but I like to create mine. It's weird isn’t it? It’s as if the events of everyday life were not enough for me.

People often think and plan their major life events such as their wedding or the birth of their child with a good idea of what they want. Me, I only know two things. The song at my funeral is going to be Franck Sinatra's "My Way" and my funeral epitaph will look like "Thanks my God, it's finally over, thank you for not waking me up."

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Over 50? Other people’s judgment shouldn’t stop you. #Fabulousat50

Have you been checking our work, refreshed our social media, shared our website, even clicked on the contact page and yet, you are missing this final little push to finally make the leap to treat yourself to a boudoir shoot? You are not the only one.

Over the past few years, we have been lucky to meet so many different women (and men), all inspiring in their own ways. When we get a chance to explain our boudoir work, 95% of women we talked to are curious, even interested. Yet, we have noticed that we kept hearing the same thing with some lovely ladies between 45 to 60 years old: ”I am way too old to do boudoir."  So we decided to dig deeper.

Sit tight, it's getting interesting...

 
Meet Muriel, 57 years-old and absolutely smoking!

Meet Muriel, 57 years-old and absolutely smoking!

 

Half of our clients are actually over 50.

That may sound surprising but it is true: we do get a lot of Scandals between 50 to 60 years old. We just keep them secret because we are asked to, due to various privacy requests (yes, booking a session does not mean having your pictures published online, but that’s another story). They usually book their session to own their bodies and learn how to love themselves (again). It’s a fact: just because you are getting older doesn’t mean you are getting ugly. BOOM.

What is really behind the ”I am too old to do this”

We went straight to the source (aka fabulous wiser Scandals) and this is what came out: being potentially judged by other people scared the hell out of you.

Just the thought of having someone potentially say you look ”ugly” or ”ridiculous” is unbearable.

Your body has changed over the year. Your skin isn’t what it used to be. Maybe you had children and your body adapted itself. Maybe you think you are not ”in shape” enough.  Maybe you are scared of getting older and it is easier to avoid seeing how you really look because you are afraid of what you may see. Posing nude or half nude is the ultimate vulnerable experience. You can’t hide.

But what if what you saw is actually a lot better than what you THINK you look like?

We tend to see ourselves in a very negative way, especially on the physical aspect. We are too much of this, not enough of that. Wouldn’t it so much easier to just make peace with how you look and let it impact in a very positive way your everyday life?

Easier said than done, granted. It takes time and willpower to face yourself. But trust us, the outcome is always worth it.

 
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Yeah that sounds nice, but I am still worried about what other people may think.

Truth is, once you start liking the way YOU look, chances are you won’t give a rat’s ass about what other people think of you. You will build your shield of self-confidence and will realize that the problem isn’t you. It’s them.

So with the help of the beautiful woman we illustrated this blog post with, we have put together some advice so you can get to that sweet spot of self-acceptance.

Meditation

I see you coming: “blah blah hipster crap, everyone meditate nowadays, you think I have time to picture myself in a field of glitter?”

Well, yes, you SHOULD make time. Meditation teaches you to focus on your beautiful self and on your current sources of happiness but also let go of the negativity. And that my friend is the first step to a better you.

Bonus: meditation doesn’t have to be boring, cheesy or even take forever. Try Headspace and their free 10-minute guided meditation.

Give Pilates and/or yoga a try.

Both a great core workouts (aka the must to not end up walking like someone folded you in half when you are 80 years old) and a amazing way to improve your posture so you can stand straighter and taller. And guess what, standing taller physically also comes with feeling taller mentally. Jackpot.

Ditch the dummies.

As mentioned above, if you get negative feedback on anything you do, you are not the problem. The people giving you the feedback are. It sounds like you are not getting anything interesting from these specific people, the best thing to do is end the relationship with them. You don’t need demeaning people in your life.

Stop the self-forbidding.

That colourful dress caught your eye in the window and your little voice is telling you that you could never pull it off? On what ground? There are absolutely NO GOOD REASONS not to wear something that could make you happy.  Don’t even try to justify it, just try to the goddamn dress instead. And don’t you dare dumping it at the bottom of your closet.

Book a boudoir session.

You know you want to.

 
 

Life is way too short to stop yourself from trying any experience that could make you happy.  The minute you try something that make you happy, you start the snowball effect of happiness. I don’t know about you, but you can sign me up.

PS: none of the Scandals we photographed had any negative feedback from anyone. If anything, everything we had witnessed was full of encouragement and extremely positive.

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