Life tips

I had this constant fear preventing me from actually living. If I died tomorrow, what would be my regrets?

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion. Read them all!

If I had listened, I would never have become the woman I am today.

I am a stubborn person who has the unfortunate habit of listening to her intuition and taking risks. That's why I decided to write three situations when I chose to listen to myself rather than follow a logical path. Those ended up being the most decisive moments in my life.

 
Boudoir-photography-toronto-scandaleuse-intimate-sensual-nude-photography-woman-empowerment-body-diversity-4.jpg
 

When I left the family home

I come from a family where work is more important than anything else. My mother found me my first job as a maid in a hotel at 15 years old and I stayed there for over 8 years.

All family discussions revolved around this hotel. I was so unhappy for so long, my life became more unbearable every day.

I was too afraid of my parents’ reaction if I were to leave that I had to find a way to avoid justifying myself. I had to leave my home.

I didn’t have much money or furniture other than what was in my room. In order to quickly raise funds for my project, I sold my car and shared a place with a friend. I moved out in February 1999 and in April 2000 I left my job. The year following this decision was even more difficult. I was working part-time in a clothing store, but, I was "FREE".

Free from the pressure of my parents, free from work that made me sick, but most importantly, free to do what I wanted to do and free to become everything I wanted. I never regretted this decision and my parents finally understood that I wanted other things in my life.

When I got my heart broken and lost a friend

Around the same time, I got my heart broken. I am aware now that it was mostly because of my fear, my low self-esteem and lack of experience. He didn’t only break my heart into a million pieces, but it also made me physically sick.

Fear was my biggest enemy. It prevented me from having a beautiful story to share and fulfilling this dream of having someone close to me, even for a moment.

To top it all off, I also lost a dear friend. A man who, the first night of his retirement, died of an aneurysm. He had worked all his life to support his family, whom he didn’t see very often because he was so dedicated to his job. The days before his death, he told me how eager he was to rest, to "cut wood" at his cottage, take time for his family, and so on. He didn’t even have the chance to live one of those moments because he died just before. It was a wake-up call.

I was Working non-stop, doing exactly what was expected of me and I had this constant fear preventing me from actually living. If I died tomorrow, what would be my regrets?

Boudoir-photography-toronto-scandaleuse-intimate-sensual-nude-photography-woman-empowerment-body-diversity-older-2.jpg

I had way too many dreams to be yet fulfilled so I decided to take care of myself. I moved alone in my own apartment and I found a job that would allow me to achieve two of my three greatest dreams, sing and travel.

The third, finding my life partner is still a dream. The lifestyle choices I made so far haven't led me there yet, I hope to get there someday.

When I Left my roots, my family and my friends.

In my mid-30s, I felt like I was going around in circles. Even though I had been told that I had everything I needed to be happy, I felt the thirst for life

The anger that often gave me the boost I needed to move forward was getting stronger on a daily basis. It was time to make a decision and I decided to leave everything behind.

I left my family, my friends and my job aka financial safety net, just because I needed to see what was on the other side of the fence. It was tough, especially on the social aspect: at 35, you can’t create a social network as easily as in your 20's but, I didn’t give up and worked hard to build a life for myself. It's been 8 years since I left my roots and I have never regretted it.

Life challenges us every day but I like to create mine. It's weird isn’t it? It’s as if the events of everyday life were not enough for me.

People often think and plan their major life events such as their wedding or the birth of their child with a good idea of what they want. Me, I only know two things. The song at my funeral is going to be Franck Sinatra's "My Way" and my funeral epitaph will look like "Thanks my God, it's finally over, thank you for not waking me up."

Boudoir-photography-toronto-scandaleuse-intimate-sensual-nude-photography-woman-empowerment-body-diversity-older-1.jpg

What to do when your life is falling apart.

Do you feel like nothing you knew makes sense anymore? Your left is right, your black is white? This is kind of what happened with us over the past few weeks: our lives changed drastically.  If you feel like yours is too, maybe we can help.

The good news: your life may be falling apart/changing in unexpected ways but it is very likely for the best.

We do believe in the saying "everything happens for a reason". Whether you made a chains of decisions to get there or someone did it for you, you have two options: you sink and spiral or you do the best you can not to.

It's okay to wallow

Hey. Sh*t just hit the fan. If you think it is not going to impact you and you will keep doing cartwheels, you are very likely wrong. A good cry is a good way to relieve some stress. When Fanny and I moved in together a few weeks ago, we bought a bottle of wine, determined to laugh it up, and we ended up crying for 4 hours. But guess what? We felt much better after. So put on your ugly cry face, build a fort if you need to and go at it!

9364da10-2229-0133-7df8-0a67ec7fcf67.gif

Asking for help doesn't make you weak.

I am guilty of the "I don't need anyone" syndrome - I am a strong woman right? Haha. I am so glad that a few people stuck out for me during the dark times to take me out and distract me. And let me ramble for hours. The lesson I learned? You can reach out to people and they will likely be here you. Just make sure you return the favor when it's their turn (manners!).

Rebuild your routine

Since your life just went upside down like a neglected canoe, so is your routine. You're sad, you eat like crap, you sleep poorly, you can't focus... But routines are so important for our sanity, they bring a feeling of familiarity, which we lack desperately when our lives change so much at once. Slowly but surely, get back to your former routine if it made you happy or start a fresh one.

Try new experiences

Usually, we make tough decisions why family, lovers or friends because we don't feel like we can be ourselves truly. Are you starting to feel slightly more stable on your feet? Order your legs to move around and try new things! On top of being a great distraction, it will lift up your heart, help you find out who you really are and get closer to who you want to be.

 
how-to-life-falling-apart-scandaleuse-photography-blog-Hug-1.jpg
 

There are NO freaking rules.

Related to our current cases: we are conditioned to think we have to believe a certain way after any life events. Truth is, you have to do what makes you happy. And if it doesn't feel right to others, well that's toobad for them. Don't let a chance of happiness run away from you if it's knocking at your door.

roll up your sleeves and Take the time you need to rebuild yourself. you will be happier for it in the long run. We are sending you love, are willing to share our icecream and you can call us anytime if you feel like dancing on Britney Spears from 2008.