Grief, rediscovering yourself and newfound confidence

Back in 2019, we met the fabulous Hallae for one of our boudoir shoot and we had the pleasure to shoot with her 2 more times :)… It is always nice to take pictures of the same Scandal over the years and see their transformation!

A few years ago, she was interviewed by She Does The City to talk about how the loss of her mother shattered her; and how, amidst the grieving process, she’s had to devote time to rediscover herself. Hallae is such a badass human being and today we are super happy to share this interview with you 😁

2019 - Hallae first boudoir shoot with us!

How would you describe your sexuality?

After my mom’s death and the breakup of a long-term relationship shortly afterwards, I didn’t feel sexual at all. But then I saw my body in some Knixwear photos and saw the comments, and that broke down one barrier: my body wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

But there was a second barrier: my sexuality had been put on hold for so long. That was until I allowed myself to take the improv route and say yes to whatever this new particular sexual partner suggested. I trusted him, and I was scared, but I was ready to say yes again.

And now, I may be well over 200 pounds, but I can’t help but feel like the sexiest woman in any room. I feel like I’m nineteen again, when I wasn’t afraid to try anything.

I may be almost thirty, but I’m back at the Stag Shop asking all the questions and buying that full-body fishnet stocking. In short, my sexuality can be described in one word: renewed.  

2021 - second fierce boudoir shoot :)

How did you feel at the beginning of the photo shoot?

To be honest, I had worked myself into quite the state prior to Juliette and Fanny’s arrival. The day before the shoot had actually been the two-year anniversary of my mom’s death, and part of the reason for having this the next day was to have a planned and almost concrete way to celebrate life. Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans.

However, I can’t express how quickly my anxiety dissipated when Juliette and Fanny entered my apartment. I had pulled a bunch of pieces of clothing I stared at blankly; they quickly identified three outfits. By the time I had changed, they had moved around pillows and chairs and tables, and all of a sudden my little apartment felt worthy of a photo shoot. And soon thereafter, they made me feel worthy of this photo shoot. They directed and displayed poses and had such a contagious energy. I was fully into it only a few clicks into the first outfit.

2022 - Third session. We asked Hallae what sensuality meant to her. This was the result!

What were you thinking about while it was happening? Did you have a particular mantra running through your head?

I didn’t have a particular mantra (besides “shoulders back, tits out”), but I was thinking of power.

I remember sitting on the floor in just a leotard and staring at the camera and having this moment where I felt so much more powerful than I had just a few moments earlier. Sometimes confidence is something that comes naturally, but sometimes we’re thrust into situations that force us to uncork that confidence.

It’s not always possible. But before the shoot I decided I was going to at least try, and I did. That was powerful for me.

What do you want to say to people who are currently lacking confidence, or feeling insecure when it comes to their body/sexuality? 

It would be easy to look at my photos and think, “Wow, she must be so comfortable in her body.” But now you know the truth. I was freaking out up until the moment the photographers walked through the door. Part of me believes that finding confidence in your body is sometimes consciously acting to find it. I’m not saying go out right now and take pictures in your underwear, but that’s one way to do it.

No one can convince you your body is beautiful without a bit of work on your part. (Though I’m still here to tell you: it is.) Have you seen it in a teddy yet? What about covered in sparkles? Drape your body in whatever your kink is. Then stare at it in the mirror, take photos of yourself, wear it on a date, wear it on a solo dinner. When that person comes up to you and tells you your body is beautiful, think about how hot you fucking looked, and agree with them.

Feel it. Own it.

That’s what I’m talking about when I say act consciously. Then fuck the shit out of them, with consent, of course :)

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Abusive Relationships: When Clarity Hits.

Abusive relationships are a lot more common that we'd like to think. If you didn't live it yourself, we can guarantee that you know a few loved ones who did. From manipulation to violence, the spectrum of abusive relationships is extremely wide, making it blurry in some cases to realize you're stuck in one.

In our line of work, many women come to us after leaving abusive relationships, as a way to reclaim their bodies and confidence. Their stories have inspired us to host our first exhibit to raise funds against domestic violence, and we had a conversation with Eden in the process, who kindly shared her story with us. We hope it will help give clarity to someone who may need it.

An abusive relationship gradually sneaks up on you before you know it.

It is safe to say that we have all stayed in situations that didn't feel quite right. We saw the red flags. We felt that sinking feeling in our stomachs. But yet, we found excuses and forgot about it all when the sun was shining. Until it didn't.

"Abuse does not look one exact way.” Eden says “There are many ways to create control, fear, and insecurity and brute force is not always required. I frequently felt like I was the aggressor and cause of my partner's agony. Almost every sexual encounter was coercive in nature. When I would not comply, I would be met with tears, anger, hours of conversation, and accusations that I was simply withholding as a form of punishment. I was never hit but I lived in a state of constant anxiety and shame."

Growing up, especially as women, we are taught to put up with a lot of discomfort wrapped in sparkly wrapping paper.

Take something as simple as blame & guilt, for example. Both are dominant feelings, abundantly used to manipulate, yet we are not taught to pause and ask ourselves if their claims or labels are legitimate or not to begin with. We are just taught that if you feel it, there is a right reason for it.

Eden wrote the perfect example: “I was frequently accused of causing heartache while having my character smeared and being denied the right to say no. This left me feeling like a terrible person and made it easier for me to blame myself for their feelings of jealousy and rejection."

But… "why did you stay?”

The question burning the lips of outsiders. The answer? Because it's not that simple. You don't wake up one day feeling suddenly ready to end something you've worked so hard to maintain, built on excuses you believed in.

“It took me a long time to fully admit the implications of my ex-partner’s behaviour.” Eden added ”My clarity came from many individual moments. One significant one, however, was when I was telling my friend about my very last encounter with this person. I was finally being honest with them about some of the arguments and violations I had hidden.

When I turned to look at my friend, they were crying. I knew that the experience had felt wrong and I had not been able to stop thinking about it, but seeing their tears and hearing them say that this shouldn’t have happened to me was the first moment that I realized I had lost perspective.

Their reactions helped a lot. They reassured me over and over that this person was pushing boundaries, disregarding consent, and acting in an abusive manner. I felt so unsure of myself at this point but I felt that I could trust them and believe them more than myself. “

Putting an end to it, despite the blur.

We asked Eden how her relationship ended:

“I ended things. I asked my friends to help in the process. Asking them to remind me of why I was doing it, who I was outside of this relationship, and hold me to it regardless of my feelings. They texted me the whole train ride home and made me feel brave. I did it as safely as possible and blocked them when I felt ready.”

Then what? The rollercoaster of the healing process.

Just like you don't develop the courage of leaving such a relationship in one day, there is no magic button to erase all repercussions and become all smiles and giggles.

“I still actively deal with the repercussions of this relationship.

Most days I forget about them, which feels like a sort of revenge. Other days I struggle with nightmares and feelings of deep shame. It shaped how I chose partners afterwards, seeking out protection and confidence over emotional safety and a gentle nature. It also left me with physical repercussions as I developed Vaginismus during this time.

Therapy was my first real step towards healing. I needed the permission to call it what it was, because I had not felt empowered to previously. I also really put in work setting boundaries and healing my relationship with my body (exercising, doing self-care, doing boudoir shoots, refusing sex when it caused pain, etc.). My next relationship was unfortunately not a kind one, so after this I gave myself a much needed break."

Are you relating to any of this?

If so, you may want to read some of Eden's advice: "trust your intuition. Although I struggled to find clarity, there were many moments when my intuition told me I was unsafe, unhappy, and feeling violated.

I would also suggest that you believe people when they tell you who they are. Whether they outwardly label themselves as “bad” or show you through actions. You cannot heal someone through love and kindness. A dead plant won’t grow no matter how much you water it. You always deserve to come first and heartache does not last forever.

If you are losing perspective, then find an impartial third party like a counsellor or trusted person.”

If you need help, please refer to this link to find support in your province. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Did you like what you just read? Join our community via our newsletter below (we email once a week!) and get the info about our upcoming exhibit supporting Sistering and the Canadian Women's Foundation.

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I tried a dudeoir shoot!

Hey there,

My name is Kino Jet, I am a guy, and I did a dudeoir photoshoot. Yep.

via GIPHY

Now, you may wonder "why on Earth would you even do that?". Truth is, I just wanted to see what I would look like in a more "risqué" setting. The vision I have of my body has changed over the years and I wanted to see what the reality actually was. I'm also always up for a challenge, and this definitely felt like it could fit the bill.

Was it the most uncomfortable thing I did in my life? I mean, it was pretty high up there.

I have found myself in front of a lens on multiple occasions, for fun or to help a friend out, so I figured it would be fairly easy. But yet, from the moment I booked the shoot, the only thing that was racing through my mind was:

"What the f*ck did I get myself into?"

I had to idea what to expect and I can tell you for a fact, that I was scared shitless.

I immediately began to think of every part of my body that I had issues with - my double chin, my sagging waist... I wondered to myself if it would look good enough, or even, if I had a good side...? I also began to think about what others would think of me doing a photoshoot like this, considering that women usually do this kind of thing, and not men.

Regardless of what I thought, I had already begun to make my way towards the shoot. It was like riding a roller-coaster that you couldn't get off of, because, well, you're already half-way up the hill. You can't just tell the operator "screw this shit, I'm out of here."

But the moment I got to the top, it was everything I didn't expect.

Only seconds after entering the room, I was greeted by the sound of music. The room was furnished with numerous plants, dangling lights, and comfy chairs, and it felt as if I was at a cottage. The moment Fanny and Juliette greeted me, I felt much better.

I started with the most covering outfit I had and then slowly stripped down to my underwear while they guided me through each pose. The more tips they gave me on how to position myself, the more I relaxed and became immersed and dedicated to getting my photo taken.

Time just flew by and before I knew it, the shoot was done.

Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I felt pretty damn good. And proud. I successfully took on this challenge like a boss.

via GIPHY

I couldn't WAIT to see the photos though I was nervous that they wouldn't look as good as I felt during the shoot. I was prepared to mentally go in a fetal position, but yet, when the photos showed up on the screen, I thought "Wait a minute. I DO f*cking look great".

I might not have had the best sleep the night before, or that "inverted Dorito" look that every guy strives for, but my arms, chest, legs, everything, look damn good, and nobody can't tell me otherwise. The reality I was looking for hit me, and it left me with a smile on my face. Mission accomplished.

I sincerely hope you will give yourself the chance to get in front of the camera too. And when you do, I have one advice you:

Go into the shoot with zero expectations.

Own that photoshoot, show your body off, flex that arm of yours. The less expectations you have, and the more fun it will be.

Growing up, I always had issues on how I saw my body. Even after losing weight, I still saw that pudgy little kid who used to suck in his stomach to hide the fact that he was overweight. But for the first time in a while, I was able to shift my idea of what my body looked like. The boudoir experience was such an amazing learning experience for me when it came to pushing my own boundaries when it came to masculinity. I realized I developed a lot of fear when it came to wanting to feel attractive and confident, and that's completely normal.

It's okay to tell yourself that this is what makes me happy. It's alright to be seen and desired in this way. As a bro telling you, another bro, it's alright to be flexible with your masculinity. It's important to break down those barriers that prevent you from feeling great about yourself.

I believe that the only way to grow as a person, are to do things that makes you feel uncomfortable. When you seek discomfort, you begin to live life's greatest moments and create connections that last for a lifetime.

~ Kino Jet

If like Kino you want to try this fantastic adventure that is dudeoir photography, then our Movember Boudoir Marathon is for you!

Change takes time with Jessica X She Does The City

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

Jessica’s journey to self-acceptance, and the importance of being gentle along the way

Like all of us, Jessica is trying to manage the numerous challenges of pandemic life as we slog through month eight, but she’s also navigating her transition. Between work and school, she is juggling a lot, so carving out time to do puzzles and cook brings her comfort and makes her happy. “Fall happens to be the best time to make lovely soups!” she tells us. “One of my favourites is made in the crock pot with sweet potato and lentils!”   

We were delighted to connect with Jessica, and admire her candidness.

How would you describe your sexuality?

Generally speaking, I identify as bisexual or pansexual, sometimes simply using the label queer. For a long while I assumed that I must have preferred one gender or the other, though over time and through my process of accepting myself I came to understand that I could be attracted to anyone, and that I couldn’t define or control who I was attracted to. Ask me if I have a type and I just have to throw up my hands!

When it comes to feeling good in your own skin, what advice would you give to your younger self?

The first thing I’d say to my younger self is to accept what you’re feeling and not try to turn away from it. From there, I’d say it’s important to be kind and to understand that change takes time; it won’t happen if you don’t take steps to make it happen. I first came out when I was much younger, and the fact that I didn’t transition then brought a lot of regret. Learning not to hold on to that regret was one of the most important lessons I’ve learned on my journey so far. Above all, self-love is the most important kind of love. Once you learn to love yourself, you can spread that love to others.

What turns you on?

Trust! They say the largest sex organ is the brain, and in that regard, when I’m with someone who I can let go with I can make sure to “get out of my own way,” so to speak, and allow myself to really get into the moment. 

What always puts a smile on your face?

One of my favourite things in the world is waking up and saying hello to my girlfriend. Being able to start the day off with someone who means so much to me is a gift. Knowing I have her endless support is something I can always think of when I’m under stress. I also have yet to be able to resist smiling when hearing little kittens meow!

What has become an important part of your self care routine during COVID?

Taking time to reflect upon the things I’m thankful for and appreciating the moment is incredibly important. I like to practice mindfulness while I’m out on a walk and allow myself to focus on the sensations of the moment – the feel of the breeze, the changing colours of the leaves. Time in nature is important. It’s good to remember that we’re all part of something greater than us. Whatever problems we may be facing are transient – so we should be grateful for the time we have.

What lesson or idea is currently helping you on your path?

Often, we’re faced with difficulties in our lives, and regardless of what form the difficulties you’re facing are, the one thing constant is the mindset you bring towards problems. Knowing that, it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself if you can’t meet the challenges of the moment; not all difficulties are puzzles you can solve. Sometimes you simply have to allow yourself to accept the emotions as they come and work through them honestly, without resisting. On the other side, be willing to be thankful for the special moments as they come, as they, along with the special relationships we build with our friends, families and lovers, are the things which are truly valuable in our lives.

What small things help you get through winter? Or what are you planning this year to help you?

There’s nothing quite as wonderful as coming in from the cold and enjoying a hot cup of tea! My favourite flavours are generally something spicy or floral, depending on how I feel.

What was it like to get photographed by Juliette & Fanny? How did it make you feel?

It felt amazing! There were a lot of thoughts in my mind as the shoot with Juliette and Fanny was going on, but as they asked me to go through the poses and such there were moments where I felt incredibly empowered and sensual in a way that I don’t often get to feel. When I look at the pictures from the shoot I see a woman who looks comfortable and confident in herself, and I can’t overstate how much of a victory that is for me given the path I’ve had to take to get here.

Anything else you’d like to share?

I’d like to say I’m grateful to all the women who’ve been there to help me along as I navigate my transition. The support and kindness I’ve been met with from other women has been incredibly empowering. I’ve found that my friendships have deepened in a way that they weren’t able to in the past.

Lastly, I want to say to anyone who might read my story and recognize in themselves that they may be holding something back – please, if you take nothing else from what I’ve written, you owe it to yourself to explore your feelings. They’re there for a reason, and part of you understands that you need to confront them in an honest way. Accept what you’re feeling and don’t place judgement on yourself too harshly – the world has a way of rewarding those who face its challenges with grace.

Thank you so much Jess for sharing your story and wisdom!

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How to set yourself free with Michelle x SheDoesTheCity

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

We’re thrilled to have Michelle for our final boudoir feature of 2020, because her energy is frankly what the world needs more of. We’ve been following Michelle for awhile on Instagram and she’s someone who always lights us up and makes us smile, be it from her humour, her glowing confidence, or dance moves that pop off the screen. We’re big fans.

Tell us a little about yourself…

I’m a queer midlife mom championing for diversity, inclusion and equality.

Professionally I’m a communications geek, multi-disciplined educator, social activist and content creator. I’m also very passionate about womxn’s rights advocacy and can often be heard speaking on issues facing marginalized communities, radical self-acceptance and self-reinvention.

How did doing this photoshoot make you feel?

It was truly a liberating and empowering experience. Juliette and Fanny made me feel very comfortable and at home during this photoshoot. This was my first time ever being a model and they were professional, patient and kind every step of the way.

When it comes to feeling good in your own skin, what advice would you give to your younger self?

I would tell my younger self that you could be the juiciest, yummiest peach and there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches. That doesn’t mean that you’re not a delicious peach. You’re perfect.

What always puts a smile on your face?

My daughter.

What turns you on?

Independent womxn who enjoy their own company and have a quiet confidence about them. Womxn who are authentically themselves, goal-oriented, love adventure and have a quirky sense of humour. Yummy.

What has become an important part of your self care routine during COVID?

Self-care? What’s that! I’m still trying to implement a self-care routine in my life but, I would say not dating is my biggest form of self-care right now.

Loving myself and my daughter is my number one priority at the moment.

What lesson or idea is currently helping you on your path?

When people show you who they are, believe them.

What small things help you get through winter? Or what are you planning this year to help you?

Conversations with loved ones, self-pleasure and comfort food.

How would you describe your sexuality?

I identify as a queer femme/lesbian. I am attracted to different genders, but with womxn is where I feel most at home.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Give zero fucks. It will set you free.

Hell yes, we love this last advice! Do not hesitate a minute to live your life by your own rules and don't be afraid to become unapologetically you.

And we have something just for you that will help you get there! We have put together 6 easy tips you can use now to better your life. All you have to do is click below to get them!

Andrea's celebrating her new found confidence - Scandaleuse X She Does The City

Today we are sharing the interview of the beautiful Andrea who had a boudoir shoot with us this year to celebrate her 29th birthday. She is also part of the our Lockdown Special (clic here for all the details) as she recently opened her new candle business (we are so proud of her for taking this step 💛) and is offering a special deal.

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

Andrea grew up in a religious and conservative family. Sexuality wasn’t something that was openly discussed. She didn’t think she’d ever be in a place where she’d feel comfortable to do a boudoir photo shoot.

Like so many of us, it took time for Andrea to find her own path. To prevent caving to external pressures or getting influenced by all the “shoulds”, she’s had to stay vigilant with her vision, and trust her gut. At 29, she’s feeling comfortable with where she’s landed, and decided to book a photo shoot with Juliette and Fanny of Scandaleuse Photography to celebrate her newfound confidence. We want to celebrate her too. 

What was it that made you want to do a boudoir shoot with Scandaleuse? 

I’ve always wanted to do a boudoir shoot. As a girl who grew up in a conservative & religious family and culture, I thought it wouldn’t be possible. Most of the boudoir shoots I saw were celebrities or models; I had no access to a photographer who would do a boudoir shoot for me, let alone guide me on how to do it.

A few years later, I moved to one of the greatest cities in the world, matured more & met Fanny & Juliette of Scandaleuse Photography.

I used to be afraid of getting older; I thought any age after 25 was simply old. But I luckily outgrew that thinking. WhenI was planning my 29th birthday, I decided I wanted it to be special, since this will be my last year in my 20’s.

I thought, “I should just do that boudoir shoot that I’ve been wanting for so long!” I know reputable photographers & I am finally accepting/loving my body as it is. 

What was it like to get photographed by Juliette & Fanny? How did the experience make you feel? 

It was honestly the best experience I’ve had. I’ve worked with other great photographers but no experience came close with the one I had with Fanny & Juliette. With them, I was truly confident, and they guided me well. I genuinely felt their warmth & passion. It’s obvious that they do what they do because they love it. 

When it comes to feeling good in your own skin, what advice would you give to your younger self? 

Stop seeking approval from people who do not matter! Be authentically you, and the rest will just follow. I am different & that’s special. I am different from my friends & cousins, and that’s fine, because that means I have my own identity. Every time I tried to work on my creative side, I did not get 100% support from people I expected support from. I got hurt, and that’s okay. I just kept going. You are your #1 fan and supporter.

Be there for yourself. Be your own standard of happiness. Be your own standard of beauty. Be your own standard of success.

This does not come overnight, it took me years—and I am still learning this. 

What always puts a smile on your face? 

The good deeds that I get to witness every day. Big or small gestures make me happy.

What has become an important part of your self care routine during COVID? 

Having a rest day, to reflect, nourish my mind & just be me.

If we charge our phones from time to time, we should do that to ourselves as well.

Get that good 8-hour sleep, write in your journal, turn that phone off, put on your favourite movie, hydrate yourself, do that bubble bath, eat good food & so on. 

What lesson or idea is currently helping you on your path? 

Just do you. It will not be easy. There may be defeats, but you are not done. Continue what you are doing and don’t stop until you are at your own definition of success. I’m saying this as I am currently on my path of being an entrepreneur. I opened a small candle business in November and consider it my baby. 

What small things help you get through winter? Or what are you planning this year to help you? 

Time Management! I currently work a 9-6 job and own a small business as well. This is why journals & planners truly help me. I get to write down tasks I need to do for the day & also plan my rest days. Getting organized is the way.

How would you describe your sexuality? 

As someone who came from a conservative & religious family, sexuality and sex was a taboo topic. I never truly learned how to address sexual feelings or know my sexuality. I’ve learned more as I’ve matured. I believe sexuality & sex should be a natural topic—sex is a natural & wonderful thing! I believe it is a sacred exchange of energy. If you have someone who matches your energy, great, if not, that’s fine; just keep swimming. I am happy that I found someone who matches mine, who accepts & acknowledges my needs.  

Anything else you’d like to share? 

To anyone finding their purpose and/or passion, if you do not have the answer in front of you right now, it’s okay, some things take time. Enjoy the present. Live in the moment! Once you realize what it is/they are, your creative juices will just naturally flow.

To anyone who wants to do a bold move, do it!

As long as you are not hurting anyone intentionally and your intention is good, go for it! I hope everyone is safe & healthy during these uncertain times.

Boost your self-confidence & reconnect with yourself with our FREE confidence challenge!

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"You're Pretty For a Girl in a Wheelchair"

2 years ago, we received an email from an incredible and gorgeous woman who push her boundaries and decided to talk to us about her disability. She wanted to use boudoir photography as a gift for her 35th birthday, a way to celebrate and treat herself.

Meet Katie

“I wanted to have a photo shoot to celebrate me finding beauty within my own body.

It took me a while to reach self-acceptance. In high school, I remember there was always this pressure society laid out for us that implied that the definition of beauty was to be thin and flawless. I was also a teenager with a physical disability.

I remember being at a mall, shopping with my friends and someone saying to me “You are very pretty, for a girl in a wheelchair”. It really got me to thinking that not only does my physical features go against social norms but so does my disability.

Have we built up such an image in our heads about the ideal look of beauty that we can’t think outside the box?

Why is there a box in the first place?

Why is my attractiveness contingent on the status of my abilities?

Years pass, my body changes, as naturally as a woman’s body would do. I started to carry myself with more confidence as time went by. I made a decision a few times along the way to choose a healthier eating lifestyle.  My weight fluctuated here and there, but I continued to maintain a positive image of myself and I chose to become more active.

As a young woman with a physical disability, exercising routines had to be modified. I started including weekly swimming sessions, seeing a physiotherapist to see how I could optimize increasing my range of motion, and I use a hand bicycle three times a week. In addition to exercise, I found and implemented a diet that suited me, personally. I was able to eat healthy and still eat the foods I enjoy.

Now that I was on a good path, it was time to focus on pampering myself.  Display to the world, how I am feeling on the inside.

“Yes, as a curvy woman with a disability,

I embrace and celebrate my sexuality.”

But I wasn’t always brave enough to share it openly on such a public platform. I am ready to challenge what people expect.

I am Katie, I’m thirty-five years old, single, curvy, sexy and beautiful.

Thank you, Juliette and Fanny, for helping me to bring out a side of me I wasn’t sure existed. I have a feeling the journey has only just begun…

“You are not invisible! You are worthy!” 

A big part in making my decision to do a shoot comes from this breathtaking piece of poetry by my dear friend Forest Blakk: SWIPE RIGHT

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Vaginismus: making sex unbearable since the beginning of time.

Most women have to deal with intimate problems throughout their lives and, a lot of time, without guidance. Those intimate problems that are way too often just considered “normal” and swept under the carpet. It makes you feel lonely, embarrassed and completely helpless.

I shared with you last time about the UTIs and vaginal infections I have been dealing with since I was a child. Eden is sharing with you today her journey with vaginismus.

Through our stories, we hope you can relate, find helpful information and feel less alone.

what is Vaginismus?

“I have been dealing with Vaginismus for roughly two and a half years now. This is a condition that involves a painful contraction of the muscles of the vagina in response to penetration.

Many describe this pain as a tearing sensation or as though there is an impenetrable wall inside the vagina. In my personal experience it feels as though I am sitting on a knife. This can happen with any form of penetration: putting in a tampon, during a pelvic exam, while masturbating and, of course, during sex. In my case I experience my worst pain during sex and pelvic exams.

Unfortunately, it took me a whole year of pelvic exams and going to various doctors and gynaecologists before anything was done. That was a year wasted on being told to just use lube and come back if the pain persists, until, one doctor actually took the time to sit down with me and ask about my sexual history.

When someone stopped to really listen to me the diagnosis was so obvious.

However, it was not the relief I thought it would be. It confirmed that there was damage I needed to address from a previous relationship.

There is a kind of grief that comes from losing such a simple ability as not being in pain during sex, you feel broken. I still remember what it feels like to have sex with someone I love and not feel like I am tearing from the inside out. “

Learning to deal with vaginismus to conquer it, bit by bit.

”I have been able to deal with both the emotional and physical repercussions through a lot of therapy and self reflection. The first step for me was to stop fighting with my body and just pushing through the pain.

My body is not malfunctioning, it is not broken; from the beginning, it was trying to tell me that something was wrong and now I know to listen to it.

Learning to accept those signals with love and kindness and adjusting what I am doing accordingly has helped immensely, both with or without a partner.

Some days, my body will be able to do things that other days would be impossible, and that is okay.

I made a promise to love my body on the days it can have full penetrative sex just as much as I love it on the days where all I can do is cuddle.

Sex and sexuality is not limited to penetration, there is a wide realm of pleasurable experiences if you are willing to get creative, and as long as everyone is having fun there really is no "wrong" way to do it.”

Open communication is key to help yourself, and help others.

As you just read, reconciling with your body is the advice you can ever receive. Your body is not out there to get you, and once you manage to understand, listen to it and stop rationalizing everything, you will absolutely move foward. Remember: there is nothing wrong with you.

So if you are dealing with intimate painful conditions like Vaginismus, UTIs or even, chronic yeast infections, don't be afraid to talk about it. Speak up to help yourself, but also help others. Talk to your partner so he/she can help you. Talk to your friends so they can feel less alone. Talk to a stranger if you feel like she/he could use reassurance.

You can break the taboo and bring awareness to all of this so less and less women have to wait years to be diagnosed properly. So they don't have to hear to appointments after appointments that it's no big deal and they need to just “get out of their heads”.

We woud love to share more stories like Eden's. If you would like to share yours with us, contact us at iamscandaleuse@gmail.com. You can absolutely keep it anonymous.

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How tantric sex coach Pamela Horner reclaimed her power - Scandaleuse X Shedoesthecity

Let us introduce you to the powerful Pamela Horner, a Tantric Sexual Empowerment Coach who wants to help people have “epic orgasms” (put your hands up you wanna learn… we sure do!).

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

“As a woman in recovery for sexual trauma, Pamela’s journey to get to where she is today is both harrowing and inspiring. She has spent a lot of time healing from her past, and now directs her energy to helping other people reclaim their sexuality.

”I made it my mission to help people reclaim their inner God/Goddess in order to own their power and pleasure.” 

The work she does with clients help them gain confidence in all facets of their lives.

Gorgeous is one word we’d use to describe Pamela’s photos, but they also exude a warm and peaceful energy—a sense of ease. A fascinating person with a generous heart, we were curious to get to know Pamela more…

How would you describe your sexuality?

I would describe my sexuality as bi-sexual.

How did you reclaim your power?

I discovered that sexual power was the key to feeling alive, confident, magical, and it even helped me make money. When I figured out how to use this power for good, to help people reawaken their most shamed, neglected lost parts, everything started to transform not only for me, for my clients as well.

I literally went from wanting to end my life, feeling numb, worthless and empty to feeling powerful, magical, radiant and influential, able to command the love, relationships and income that I desired. 

What is tantric sex, exactly?

Tantra is about connection and presence… it isn’t inherently about sex, but its teachings allow you to see and experience deep pleasure in the present moment and transmit that feeling to another, if you so choose. It helps you to reconnect to deeper levels of bliss.

Sounds amazing, how do you help people get there? 

I help people step into their power through one on one coaching. Everyone is born powerful, but along the way we receive messages that we are ‘less than’. We can fake confidence for most of the time, but in heightened states of vulnerability—like sex—there is nowhere to hide. This is where a lack of power can show up as a lack of arousal, or not being able to ask for what you want—feeling unfulfilled, or even uninterested in pleasure. 

I truly believe that the reason that people don’t have the love, money, or pleasure that they want is because their mind and nervous system believe that it is unsafe for them to expand beyond what is familiar. This is really deep work but when you are able to access the primal self, diving into the deepest level of your unconscious mind, you can experience radical change in your life.

What types of people do you help through your Tantric Sexual Empowerment coaching?

My clients are typically successful entrepreneurs that know they are destined for so much more. They’ve had moments of being so close only to find that there is something they are missing… that something is the connection to their deepest most hypnotic power – sexual power.

What advice do you wish to give your younger self?

As long as you are trying to seek approval, you will never taste true power. True power exists within you and you have always had it.

Happiness, desire, pleasure and delightful deviousness are all a part of your true essence. The only way to hold onto these things is by diving into yourself, getting to know yourself, and understanding that loving yourself is not something anyone would ever look back on and say “I wish I didn’t do that”.

Also, I love you, you are a fierce fucking warrior Goddess and you are here to turn the world on.”

Curious to learn more about Pamela? Follow her on Instagram at @theawakenedaphrodite. See more of our Womanizer x Sheoesthecity boudoir shoots here.“.

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Own your identity, armpit hair or not.

Get ready for this universal truth: we all have hair. Everywhere. And you've probably heard at least once in your life "you should remove it", "it's gross", "why do you care?" "all natural baby!" "Aren't French people hairy anyway?"(oh wait, that one is for us eheh). It's time to unleash the truth.

Hair, no hair; does it really matter?

A couple of months ago, Marion Seclin (a french influencer we are following on social media), was talking about the fact she did a photoshoot with a brand who edited her hair out on Photoshop, without notifying her. She said she took the decision 4 years ago to let her hair grow naturally and she was very angry about the studio’s behaviour:

The decisions concerning YOUR body belongs to YOU and you ONLY.

By photoshoping her hair out, without her CONSENT, that brand violated her right to be the individual SHE DESIRES TO BE. They disrespected her life's choices. And for what? Because they felt like she didn’t match their standards. Standards usually imposed by the media, fashion industries and beauty companies.

Nobody should tell you what is the best for you (either on a physical or mental level). Hair or no hair doesn't make one single difference. If people are telling you the opposite, you might not want to have them in your life.

Your body's decisions must be made based on your opinion. not others.

If you choose to wax every 3 weeks or not, it should be because it makes you feel great that way and not because you feel like you HAVE to do it.

Story time: We had a wonderful photo shoot with Léa Castor in Paris. She stopped removing her hair a couple of years ago, because she realized that she wasn't really doing it for her, but for her lover at the time. She said that she wanted to start loving her hair the way it actually is, but it was hard. Not because she thinks it looks ugly but because of society: she felt like people will judge and criticize her.

When we first talked about her session, we really wanted to showcase and do close-ups of her hair to tell the world "hey see, it's not bad at all!" but it turns out that we just focused on her as a person like we always do. And guess what?

No one actually noticed her hair and for the few photos where you could actually see it, it just looked great.

By not making the hair the main focus and sticking to our way of shooting (about the actual person and not her physique), we just made it normal.

We didn’t bring attention to it because we didn’t think it defined her fully anyway. And no one cared either.

Building your identity despite expectations: damn that's hard.

But damn, it is worth it. Being able to live your life the way you want to is the best feeling in the world.

You feel in harmony with your values, you can take on anything, it is pretty much the road to your long-term happiness. Jackpot.

However, from the minute you will start making decisions to be fully yourself, you are going to have to face… the Others.

They could be friends, family, anyone who feel like sharing their 2 cents about whatever it is you are doing for yourself and they are probably against what you are doing. And this makes the whole process for building your own identity very challenging.

This is when you have to stick to your guns. Why? Because any critics about your journey is actually not about you. It’s about whoever says them. They are simply projecting their own insecurities and fears on you.

People who don’t feel like they are giving it all in their own lives are going to try to bring down anyone who tries.

Read that again.

• You want to start weight-lifting and you are hearing “ugh you're gonna be so bulky, it’s not feminine”?
• You want to learn a new skill and you hear “oh, I know someone who tried and they failed, it was so hard, you’re not gonna make it.”
• You want to let your damn hair grow and they’re like “this is just gonna look gross, why do you do that to yourself?”

They are not thinking about YOU. By you trying something new and different, they just have no excuse not to and it makes them very uncomfortable. Because they have to face their own fears and limiting beliefs.

So don’t take it personally. Don’t let them bring you down. Keep being true to yourself. This is your life.

A little recap for the road:

• Living your life being fully yourself is possible for everyone.

• Decisions about your body are only yours to make.

• People who are criticizing your decisions are not talking about you but about themselves.

Are you ready to move forward and become the best version of yourself? We can help you. Join us on January 1st and become Limitless.

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Heidi, when strength meet kindness

Hello dear scandals,

We all feel how winter in Canada can be tough sometimes, the lack of heat and sun after few months starts to have a negative impact on our mood. So it can be a great idea to take few days out of the country: one of us went five days to Costa Rica and it was incredible. The goal of that short trip was to get away from Toronto and take some me-time… You guys know how hard workers we are and how it is difficult for us to disconnect from work. Well we have to confess, it was hard to not take the opportunity to do a boudoir shoot in paradise and work with a new lady… So we had to do it :)

We posted a message on a facebook group about a boudoir shoot idea and Heidi was one of the first to reply. Even though we did not know her, she was the one who stood out and we new from the start we wanted to shoot with her. What a meaningful encounter: her story was inspiring, we always love to hear about other business owner's experience and life. Plus she has an incredible personality, beauty… PERFECT COMBO!

Meet Heidi

Everybody has a story, I think that’s one of the things I enjoy the most about meeting people in Costa Rica. Here we are in this little beautiful country, together, talking and forming friendships, discovering how much we have in common and yet we all have a different back story about what led us here.

Costa Rica, 5 years ago

I went there for the first time to celebrate my partner’s and my 50th birthdays.  We planned a double vacation – some skiing and boarding in Whistler for the first week, and then straight to Costa Rica to learn to surf. Tamarindo….such a neat place! My partner could already surf and had tried it in many other exotic locations, but this was a first for me and I don’t even skateboard or snowboard… Yikes! Well, I survived surf camp and could actually say I could surf afterwards!

That first trip led to another and another and another, at least twice a year, enjoying the beach, training every day, surfing and always pondering eventual retirement and speculating about what little business could be started here to fill a niche.

At first we thought about a coffee shop, or more specifically, a mobile coffee cart – because at that time there were only a couple in town. Needless to say in 5 years there are probably 14 now…. so that was a good pass!

How Gilliepops was born

One thing that seemed to be lacking was treats of any sort that weren’t laden with sugar or milk and specifically cold frozen treats. Popsicles… Yes, that became the focus and ultimately Gilliepops was born, named after my late daughter, who passed away a few months after our first trip here.

Lots of brainstorming, creative thinking and marketing ideas, and in November 2017 I arrived in town with a bicycle, a cooler, my Vitamix and a couple of giant duffel bags filled with popsicles sticks, moulds, labels and packaging supplies. It was new and exciting, and at times very disappointing and stressful. I ate a lot of tuna and eggs that’s for sure but what an amazing experience! I even added gluten free baked goods to my repertoire and it seems the tourists and even locals can’t get enough of them. It’s awesome!!

Thanks to social media

Business here in Costa Rica is done differently that in North America.  It’s less formal and much of the communication is done either on Facebook or Whatsapp.

Because of the dependency on Facebook for business, I’m forced to check it daily and post often to encourage awareness of the availability of gluten free products here. This is when I saw Fanny's post about her visit to Tamarindo. I sent her a few suggestions, I think because I knew she was from Toronto. When she mentioned being a photographer and looking for someone to photograph while she was here, I jumped at the opportunity – there are almost no pictures of me here because I’m on my own. And what a beautiful place to be photographed.

Its been a couple of years since I’ve done a photo shoot and never when I wasn’t ready to compete (I’m a physique competitor), but I thought it would be nice to be captured as my regular self, my natural self, a little smoother and softer… tan lines and all…! The shoot was amazing – the view from the location we chose was so beautiful and the pictures she took are so flattering and beautiful.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have met one of the Scandaleuse's team, the time we got to spend together talking an sharing our stories.

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Dealing with trauma via boudoir photography

A few months ago, we flew back to our home country, France, to do one of our Boudoir Bash in Paris. We met a lot of wonderful Frenchies there, including the exquisite Nora. The first time we talked with her on Skype, she opened up right away about her motivations to do a shoot and her story moved us.

Having someone telling you about her past is quite emotional and this is why we love being boudoir photographers. It gives us the opportunity to work and help people to win back their confidence and even better, their self-love.

We are no therapists but we know that in some cases, photography can help heal consequences of a traumatic event such as abuse, assault, harassment and other traumas who have left you confused about who you can see yourself.

My name is Nora, this is my story…

“Let's start talking about my fear… I know, pretty unusual for people who know me!

My biggest fear is actually one of my family member, so it makes it really complicated to move forward, to liberate myself from this situation. Even though I haven't seen this person in years, I know that, deep inside, we might see each other again.

Yes, I grew up but I still have that fear to see his face, the way he looked at me, or even worse, to awake those bitter memories of his physical and psychological hits.

All of those years by his side can be summed up with tears and this feeling of helplessness against a man way stronger than me. To me, it sounds like a trivial story, so I tell myself “there is probably worse stories than mine.”

I grew up surrounded with machismo & the “alpha male” spirit. One day I had no other choice but to escape this life. I gathered up my strength and I left. I needed to get away as far as I could from this person, this source of fear. It was love that helped me to take this first step and put a temporary "band-aid” on what was haunting me.

Inevitably, the consequences of this sitution with this member of my family remove completement all of my self-esteem.

Being constantly put down during the first decade of your life makes you forgetting about who you are very quickly. However, time goes by and we try to rebuild ourselves after all, even if we have to put our loved ones aside.

I do not have this person in my life anymore. I have been with someone who listens to me and understands my past, who pushes me to thrive as much as I want for the past few years.

With time and maybe without noticing it, I was attracted by those women who are self-confident and whom by art, politic and culture were able to accept themselves the way they are. This is how I had the idea to use boudoir photography as a way to heal myself.

The Boudoir Shoot

What an unforgettable experience! A moment of peace where I was able to forget about my problems, all of my "flaws” and more importantly, my demons. It was just a magical therapy!

Posing in front of the lens made me realize that the qualities I was admiring in others were also part of me. I was able to win back what I thought was gone forever and shout out to the whole world “I will never feel ashamed to be myself anymore.”

This magical moment had a real positive impact on my life and I don't want to stop here as I have more ideas to keep feeling unstoppable. I have to say it would have been much harder without Fanny and Juliette's help.

“I am beautiful”

Thank you to the man who I have been sharing my life for the past 5 years, it is because of him I am still thriving!

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FRENCH VERSION

Je m’appelle Nora, voici mon histoire

Commençons par parler de ma peur, chose inhabituelle pour ceux qui me connaissent je sais.

Ma première peur, la plus grande, est un membre de ma famille. C'est donc compliqué de s'en défaire, de s'émanciper, car même si je ne l'ai pas vu depuis de nombreuses années, je sais qu'au fond de moi nous nous reverrons un jour sûrement.

Oui, j'ai beau avoir grandi, j'ai toujours cette hantise de revoir son visage, son regard et surtout de réveiller amèrement les souvenirs de ses coups tant psychologiques que physiques.

Tout ce temps à se côtoyer durant toutes ces années se résume aux pleurs ainsi qu'à un sentiment d'impuissance face à un homme bien plus fort que moi. Mon histoire me parait banale et je me dis alors "qu'il y a certainement pire que moi".

J'ai donc grandi dans ce contexte de machisme, du "male alpha" à la maison. Un jour j'ai eu la force de m'enfuir loin de cette vie, je n'avais plus le choix, il fallait mettre une réelle distance avec ce qui incarnait cette peur, une rencontre amoureuse m'a confortée évidemment dans cette démarche. Ce qui m'a permis de mettre dans un premier temps une sorte de "pansement" sur ce mal qui me poursuivait. Fatalement, ces déboires familiaux, dû à cet individu principalement, m'ont enlevé toute estime de moi.

Être constamment rabaissé durant vos premières décennies de vie vous font "très vite" oublier qui vous êtes, mais le temps passe et on tente malgré tout de se construire même si cela implique de (se) priver (de) ses proches.

Je ne partage plus ma vie avec cette personne avec qui j'étais partie à l'époque. Depuis quelques années je suis avec quelqu'un qui m'encourage à m'épanouir comme je l'entends, il a particulièrement su m'écouter et me comprendre. Inconsciemment peut-être, je me suis doucement intéressée à ces femmes qui s'assumaient, s'acceptaient au travers de diverses façons (art/politique/culture). L'idée d'accepter mon image et de faire un shooting photo m'est alors venu.

La séance Boudoir

Une expérience inoubliable ! Un moment où j'ai oublié tous mes soucis, tous mes (potentiels) défauts et surtout, tous mes démons ! Ce fût ni plus ni moins une thérapie magique.

En se prêtant au "jeu de l'objectif", j'ai pu constater que ce que je pouvais admirer chez les autres, je pouvais aussi l'apprécier et le retrouver chez moi. Je pense avoir, presque malgré moi, crié aux monde entier "je suis moi et n'en aurais certainement plus honte !".

Ce moment "magique" m'a réellement fait du bien, m'a donné d'autres idées encore et rien de tout ça n'aurait été si parfait sans Fanny et Juliette.

" Je suis belle "

Un énorme merci à l'homme qui partage ma vie depuis plus de 5 ans, grâce à lui je grandis encore!

Birth Control Pill: A little devil

Disclaimer: In this post I am talking about my own experience and feedback about the birth control pill. I am not a doctor and this should not be considered as legal advice. You should seek appropriate counsel for your own situation.

Ladies and gents (I do have some hope that men can also be interested by that topic!), today's blog post is about my experience with the birth control pill, why I decided to stop it and it's impact on my body 11 years later…

When I Sold My Soul For Beauty Purpose

2007 was a great year: first boyfriend and sexual blooming, beginning of adulthood… This was the reason I started taking the birth control pill, “Jasmin” if I remember correctly. Unfortunately when I was 17, I had a lot of migraines and also a strong acne, “Jasmin” wasn't strong enough for my body. So I decided to follow my gynecologist advice which was to go for one of the strongest hormonal pill, perfect against acne and migraines: Ladies and gentlemen, the famous “Diane 35", let's sadly acclaim it.

Big mistake! But I was young and looking for an easy way to feel prettier. I was really ashamed of my acne, all I wanted was to get rid of it. I just wished my doctors would have told me about the risks and side effects of those pills…

Before taking the pill

5 months after taking the pill

The Results Were Beyond Expectations

If there is something I cannot complain about, it is the result and efficacy: my acne was gone few months after I started taking it and the migraines were less intense, it was honestly a relief. On top of that, they helped regulate your menstrual cycle and the main purpose of that pill was also a success, I never got pregnant. You got it, I am not complaining about their efficacy against pregnancy. The birth control pill is a great contraceptive as long as you don’t forget to take it. Unfortunately the side effects and risks on the woman body are pretty scary.

But for 11 years I was never aware of those side effects. This is why the "pill” is sneaky: you usually do not feel how unhealthy it is, at least I never felt it.

So why did I stop?

As you may know, two years ago I became vegetarian and it is now important for me to take care of my body and be careful with what goes in and out. It is my way to feel confident and respectful of it! Stopping the pill was obviously another step towards taking less chemical, since I did not want extra hormones in my body anymore (If you wanna learn more about this topic, I found this very interesting article).

To make it short, the birth control pills is a combinaison of two hormones: estrogen and progestogen, that eliminate ovulation and prevent pregnancy. It changes your natural hormone balance, tricking your body into thinking it is pregnant all month.

I also never like having to take a pill every day because I have sometimes forgotten to take them (oh and I guess reading about those women who died from blood clotting in their legs, sudden blockages in their lungs, bleeding in their brains and chest pain before death, did help me with that decision…) Anyway, in January 2018, I took the decision to change contraception and go for a non-hormonal copper IUD. I went to my family doctor to talk with her about that decision, her advice was to stop the pill and wait until my next period to have the IUD inserted. Which I did…

Another big mistake, I should have never ever stoped the pill right away! In one month, I went from 11 years of intense synthetic hormones to natural ones. Of course it was a shock for my body, my doctor should have told me about it. The consequences? I developed a strong acne in a couple of months and my menstrual cycle was all over the place. I feel like a teenager again and I now have a lack of confidence because of that acne. It has been less than a year I changed contraceptive and my body is slowly getting use to it, but it will take few years before the level of acne decrease.

Why I like non-hormonal contraception

First of all, big shout out for the Copper IUD, it is so convenient. I am not gonna lie, the insertion was painful but it lasted only a couple of minutes and I do not have to worry of getting pregnant for the next five years. What if I want a baby in two years? The doctor will just take it out!

My body has changed a lot since I switched birth control method and I have now “real” and natural cycles, which includes unfortunately: cramps and irregular, heavier and longer periods. But it also had 3 positive impacts that are really worth it: I am feeling less emotional, my sex drive increased a lot and I am more lubricated (don't laugh, it was pretty frustrating in the past!).

I have no regrets of that change and do not plan to go back to birth control pills. There are so many contraceptives on the market, you should not have any problem to find the perfect one for you. Talk with your doctor or gynecologist about it and most important: do your own research.

Now go make love and viva la sexualidad!!

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