sexuality

How people's words can have an impact on your mind and body

Language is a powerful tool which brings people together and help understand each other. But unfortunately it can easily be transformed and used as a weapon. Since humans have the tendency to criticize others (because it is apparently easier than giving a compliment), this weapon put in mischievous hands can be extremely painful. It is really difficult to know the impact our words can have on others but is it so difficult to be more careful and taking the time to be aware of it?

 
 

I can say I am pretty confident with my body but it wasn't always the case, especially in middle school. I am glad I choose to go to photography school as it helped me to become self-confident.

I wish sometimes I could be curvier, taller, have thicker wrists, get more tan, have a beautiful skin… but this is my body and I cannot change it, so I decided to cherish it because it is precious and I now don’t give a freaking damn about people's critics.

 
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When your “supposed-friends” show their true colors

I always been really thin: tiny body, tiny bones, boobies which are still hiding from the world (still looking for them!) and for a long time I was ashamed of that. Of course people liked to remind me of it:

-“You look like a garden gnome hahaha!”

- “I should not talk about that in front of you, you are like what… 14?!” (I am 19 dude but thanks-what an ass!")

- “Are you not ashamed of not having boobs?”

- “Are you sure you don't suffer from anorexia?”

… I could keep going on and on.

Most of those awful sentences came from friends or people I knew and every time they broke me into thousand pieces. Until a classmate told me the worst one “your mom should be sooo ashamed for giving birth to an anorexic girl. What an embarrassment!!”.

That sentence was the last one I let putting me down: F**k that! Never again I will let words break me.

Relax, it was just a joke!

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The famous: “I was joking!”… I am pretty sure we all went through that and maybe we did it too without realizing it can be painful for our interlocutor. Do not get me wrong, as a french person I love sarcasm and bad humour that makes me laugh even though it is directed towards my body or my intelligence. Lets take my family as a an example, I saw partners or parents with their kids, pocking each other and making jokes about the way they look, their personality: "Don't take it badly, it was just a joke!” they say.

Yes it was probably… a joke but for some reason that day, those words sticked to your mind. Maybe it wasn’t the first time you heard those words or maybe you were already having a bad day and was feeling a bit down. When a loved one reminds you several time per week “how flat you are”, “how curvy you are”, “how sometimes you can be stupid", even if they say it with a touch of humour, you ended up believing those words and not in yourself anymore.

Yes jokes are funny but do not forget also to tell your loved ones every day how much you love them, how strong and smart they are and how successful they will be.

“Et mademoiselle, t’es bonne, tu baises?”

Disclaimer: Ladies and gents caution, coarse language coming.

Translation: “Yo miss, you're hot, wanna f**k?” (no kidding, I heard those words in the street).

I never really had any problem since I moved to Canada and I wish I could tell you the same for France but I would be lying. You see, France is like Tinder's nightmares in real life. A lot of men have the bad habit to harass women in the street and we heard them all. From “I am gonna eat that ass!", "B**ch I am talking to you!”, “Nice legs, at what time do they open?!"… to “I am gonna rape you!”, when you are victim of street harassment for years, it gets very easy to stress about the idea of going out by yourself. And they say apparently french women are very difficult to approach… - Cough - Really? I wonder why!

The worst sentence a guy told me in Canada was “You're gonna get in trouble with this body!”, I am not gonna lie it scared the crap out of me (I was walking in a very quiet street with nobody else around) but I played it cool and thanked the guy for his “compliment”. At some point he left after wishing me to have a great day.

Please gentlemen, think twice before hitting on a girl and watch your language!

When people make your day

Fortunately, a lot of people have the ability to cheer your day up with hilarious and unforgettable compliments and honestly those are the ones that counts. So for you and exclusively, here are the best ones people ever told us:

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- “You have very nice collarbones!”

- “Your hair smell like sex!”

- “If I have to compare you as a car, you will be a Porsche”

- “Wohh, where did you get those eyes from?!”

- “If we take my friend's legs, this table as my body and my face, would you love me?”

What about you? What is the best/worst/unforgettable compliment someone ever gave you?

Dealing with trauma via boudoir photography

A few months ago, we flew back to our home country, France, to do one of our Boudoir Bash in Paris. We met a lot of wonderful Frenchies there, including the exquisite Nora. The first time we talked with her on Skype, she opened up right away about her motivations to do a shoot and her story moved us.

 
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Having someone telling you about her past is quite emotional and this is why we love being boudoir photographers. It gives us the opportunity to work and help people to win back their confidence and even better, their self-love.

We are no therapists but we know that in some cases, photography can help heal consequences of a traumatic event such as abuse, assault, harassment and other traumas who have left you confused about who you can see yourself.

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My name is Nora, this is my story…

“Let's start talking about my fear… I know, pretty unusual for people who know me!

My biggest fear is actually one of my family member, so it makes it really complicated to move forward, to liberate myself from this situation. Even though I haven't seen this person in years, I know that, deep inside, we might see each other again.

Yes, I grew up but I still have that fear to see his face, the way he looked at me, or even worse, to awake those bitter memories of his physical and psychological hits.

All of those years by his side can be summed up with tears and this feeling of helplessness against a man way stronger than me. To me, it sounds like a trivial story, so I tell myself “there is probably worse stories than mine.”

I grew up surrounded with machismo & the “alpha male” spirit. One day I had no other choice but to escape this life. I gathered up my strength and I left. I needed to get away as far as I could from this person, this source of fear. It was love that helped me to take this first step and put a temporary "band-aid” on what was haunting me.

Inevitably, the consequences of this sitution with this member of my family remove completement all of my self-esteem.

Being constantly put down during the first decade of your life makes you forgetting about who you are very quickly. However, time goes by and we try to rebuild ourselves after all, even if we have to put our loved ones aside.

I do not have this person in my life anymore. I have been with someone who listens to me and understands my past, who pushes me to thrive as much as I want for the past few years.

With time and maybe without noticing it, I was attracted by those women who are self-confident and whom by art, politic and culture were able to accept themselves the way they are. This is how I had the idea to use boudoir photography as a way to heal myself.

 
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The Boudoir Shoot

What an unforgettable experience! A moment of peace where I was able to forget about my problems, all of my "flaws” and more importantly, my demons. It was just a magical therapy!

Posing in front of the lens made me realize that the qualities I was admiring in others were also part of me. I was able to win back what I thought was gone forever and shout out to the whole world “I will never feel ashamed to be myself anymore.

This magical moment had a real positive impact on my life and I don't want to stop here as I have more ideas to keep feeling unstoppable. I have to say it would have been much harder without Fanny and Juliette's help.

“I am beautiful”

Thank you to the man who I have been sharing my life for the past 5 years, it is because of him I am still thriving!


FRENCH VERSION

Je m’appelle Nora, voici mon histoire

Commençons par parler de ma peur, chose inhabituelle pour ceux qui me connaissent je sais.

Ma première peur, la plus grande, est un membre de ma famille. C'est donc compliqué de s'en défaire, de s'émanciper, car même si je ne l'ai pas vu depuis de nombreuses années, je sais qu'au fond de moi nous nous reverrons un jour sûrement.

Oui, j'ai beau avoir grandi, j'ai toujours cette hantise de revoir son visage, son regard et surtout de réveiller amèrement les souvenirs de ses coups tant psychologiques que physiques.

Tout ce temps à se côtoyer durant toutes ces années se résume aux pleurs ainsi qu'à un sentiment d'impuissance face à un homme bien plus fort que moi. Mon histoire me parait banale et je me dis alors "qu'il y a certainement pire que moi".

J'ai donc grandi dans ce contexte de machisme, du "male alpha" à la maison. Un jour j'ai eu la force de m'enfuir loin de cette vie, je n'avais plus le choix, il fallait mettre une réelle distance avec ce qui incarnait cette peur, une rencontre amoureuse m'a confortée évidemment dans cette démarche. Ce qui m'a permis de mettre dans un premier temps une sorte de "pansement" sur ce mal qui me poursuivait. Fatalement, ces déboires familiaux, dû à cet individu principalement, m'ont enlevé toute estime de moi.

Être constamment rabaissé durant vos premières décennies de vie vous font "très vite" oublier qui vous êtes, mais le temps passe et on tente malgré tout de se construire même si cela implique de (se) priver (de) ses proches.

Je ne partage plus ma vie avec cette personne avec qui j'étais partie à l'époque. Depuis quelques années je suis avec quelqu'un qui m'encourage à m'épanouir comme je l'entends, il a particulièrement su m'écouter et me comprendre. Inconsciemment peut-être, je me suis doucement intéressée à ces femmes qui s'assumaient, s'acceptaient au travers de diverses façons (art/politique/culture). L'idée d'accepter mon image et de faire un shooting photo m'est alors venu.

La séance Boudoir

Une expérience inoubliable ! Un moment où j'ai oublié tous mes soucis, tous mes (potentiels) défauts et surtout, tous mes démons ! Ce fût ni plus ni moins une thérapie magique.

En se prêtant au "jeu de l'objectif", j'ai pu constater que ce que je pouvais admirer chez les autres, je pouvais aussi l'apprécier et le retrouver chez moi. Je pense avoir, presque malgré moi, crié aux monde entier "je suis moi et n'en aurais certainement plus honte !".

Ce moment "magique" m'a réellement fait du bien, m'a donné d'autres idées encore et rien de tout ça n'aurait été si parfait sans Fanny et Juliette.

" Je suis belle "

Un énorme merci à l'homme qui partage ma vie depuis plus de 5 ans, grâce à lui je grandis encore!

We were nudists for 3 days

We took 3 days off this week, in Tiny Ontario to relax at our friend's cottage. A short and sweet escape by the lake, more than deserved! We hiked, relaxed, had some wine and for the first time in our life, we went swimming and laid down in the sun all NAKED.

 
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THE FIRST STEP WAS EASY TO TAKE

From the moment we put our first step on the wooden dock, we knew it would be all about relaxing and taking time for ourselves. There was cottages on each side of where we were staying but no neighbours. So I had a loud thought: "I think I will be topless today!" and here we go taking off our tops and enjoying the sun. It took us only an hour before removing our bottoms and trying nudism for the first time.

The first ten minutes were a bit difficult to adjust, especially because of the fear of having neighbours going in their backyard and seeing our little white butts. But once you decide to not give a damn, it is just 100% enjoyable.

SUCH AN EPIPHANY

If you have never tried it before, you cannot imagine the feeling of the wind and water everywhere on your skin, on each part of your body. Such a feeling of freedom!

We were never really attracted by the idea of being naturist, first because the breasts' skin is very sensitive and the idea of having it exposed in the sun wasn't attractive. Second, we are not used to walk around butt naked and taking the risk of being seen by potential strangers. But holy guacamole, we have zero regrets. We spent half of our time in our birthday suits and we loved every minute of it!

 
 

LET'S THANK BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY

Being boudoir photographers and helping people feeling comfortable in their own skin, change the relationship we have with our body. It is not something we would have done a year ago, even though we saw our mothers being topless on the beach in France many times (yes it is super popular back there). Thanks to the media that sexualized the human body, we forgot the human vessel is just a protection for our organs and sometimes you need a good reminder: it is not all about sexuality!  

There is nothing to be ashamed of

Another reason why it is not common nature to walk around butt naked is because you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position. You can't hide behind a flattering bathing suit, everything is out there. It takes a lot of work on yourself to face your body that way because of your own standards, but mostly because of other people's eyes. Our advice would be to start as privately as possible, so you can start feeling comfortable with yourself first. Then, if you feel like it, try it maybe topless with people you trust. And then keep going. Don't miss out on such a nice feeling. It literally changed the way we will tan from now on.

I feel reconnected with my body and closer to my wild side. Being naked does not make you feel more vulnerable, it is an amazing way to feel badass and free. And to avoid those nasty tan lines.

 
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We can improve your sex life.

It's getting hot in here (so hot!) …
Now that we all have this song stuck in our heads, tighten your seatbelts and hold on to your panties, we are going to talk about sex and how a boudoir session can actually help improving your sex life.

Sex should be good.

Thanks Captain Obvious.

Whether you are sexually active (or not), with a partner (or not) and you are just curious, we can assure you that sex definitively has some perks. If you do it right, with consent (always), with someone you can trust, it's one of the best adventures in life. For some, it comes easy - no pun intended - for others, the road is a little bumpy, and guess what? It's totally fine.

If there is one thing to know about sex in general, is that you need to feel comfortable in order to fully enjoy it.

 
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Our bodies and minds work a certain way, and usually if your mind isn't at ease, the rest won't follow. Especially for the ladies it seems (yay). Have you ever had your entire body wanting to seriously get intimate with a specific person and no matter what you do, it's like there is a "NO PASARAN" sign by your vagina? If so, you know what I am talking about. Conclusion: happy mind = happy sex time.

You come first

No pun intended, again.

We are going to let you in on a little secret here: to be fully comfortable with someone, you have to be comfortable with yourself first.

We have received many inquiries from women saying they are sexual beings and yet don't come off that way even though they want to. They see themselves in a way that they are not comfortable with, which leads to them feeling the opposite of sexy and thus, they never let go.

Spending your intimate time with your partner wondering if he/she finds you attractive is definitely counter productive. Especially since 99% of the time, your partner does find you extremely attractive, because hell, you probably wouldn't be sharing sheets if it wasn't the case. And honestly, life is way too short to think about turning the lights off of hiding any parts of your body during sexy time. Focusing your energy on something else will only be beneficial. (And if you are dealing with the last 1%, run, that guy/girl is a douche, doesn't deserve you and you don't want to be there.)

 
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What the hell does it have to do with boudoir then?

As boudoir photographers, we change the perception you have of your body. Yes mam. When do you get the chance to see your entire naked/half naked body from every angle? Never.

You only see yourself from one point of view and depending on your mood, that view can seem terrible because we all know we are our worst critics.

Trusting a professional and getting a chance to see your body the way it is, in beautiful setups, flattering poses and gorgeous light is a huge step towards self-acceptance. Of course, if you go with someone who is going to edit the hell out of you, it is kind of killing the purpose, which why we don't change bodies during our sessions as discussed here. The goal here is to see the real you. And to start loving it.

And then what?

Then, reality is hitting you in the face, in a very nice way, like a warm summer breeze.

Seeing your photos will trigger different very positive emotions such as "is that me?" "oh god I didn't think I could look like that" "I would have never thought of that". You will start seeing yourself completely differently, and you now have a little reminder (aka the photos) of how great you look when you are feeling down. Hell, I look at my photos here and there too!

From there, you can make peace with yourself. Suddenly, you don't want to turn the lights off. You feel like trying new lingerie from your wildest dreams. Your first reflex isn't to hide your breasts when you are with a partner. You are not dodging your reflection. You are letting go.

And guess what? Letting go leads to the best orgasms. Isn't it what we all want? Now go have fun.

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5 unusual inquiries we got for boudoir photography

I love my job. Being a boudoir photographer is a wonderful experience, we've met so many people with different personality and style. Some are very open minded, others a bit more shy. They worked with us because they need a boost of self confidence or just to treat themselves whether they are women, men or couples.

But sometimes, between all of those kind and awesome emails we receive, are hiding creepy and unusual requests. Some are hilarious, others are disturbing. Since we are starting to receive them quite often and have the feeling it is not going to stop, we decided to write about them. 

 
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Mesdames et messieurs, here is our top 5 of the weirdest inquiries we got in a year:

N°5 : The dick pic guy

If there is something intriguing with Boudoir and men, is that most of the gentlemen who contact us for a boudoir shoot want to do something more erotic. And this is fine with us, why not if it is a serious project. But the disturbing part is that they believe we need to see their pee-pee so we can accept their request. So time to time we receive photographs of big Willy and the twins with a very non flattering angle and lighting, of course, pictures we never asked for. 

Gentlemen please, let me tell you something: HELL NO, WE DON'T NEED THOSE! It was very tempting to add a moustache and a hat on this photograph and send it back to that particuliar client. If you really want to show us your joystick, at least do it in an artistic way...

 
 

N°4 : The pink blouse guy

This man contacted us a little while ago, he wanted to do a boudoir shoot for his future husband. His idea was to lay down on a bed made of Kleenex - FIRST RED FLAG. He was also looking for a wedding photographer but didn't want to tell us the day of the wedding - SECOND RED FLAG. The icing on the cake was when he asked us to wear pink blouses for the first planning meeting. Because "the first impression is super important" for him.

Yeah man sure! Do you want us to wear a french maid outfit so we can clean your discourtesy off your face?  We nicely told him we would not do it, so he decided to go with another photographer (apparently).

N° 3 : The "I like humiliation" guy

This one is pretty recent. Few day ago we received an email from a guy who lost a bet and had to do a boudoir shoot, wearing high heels, sexy dress, lingerie and/or be nude. Had to walk like a model and be shoot in some very embarrassing poses, for his humiliation and women amusement. We told him boudoir photography is an art and we work only with people who see it as a serious project.

But we could provide some headshots for professional purpose if he was interested. You have to see business opportunity everywhere right?! 

 
 

N° 2 : The "you need to wear sexy clothes so I can feel turned on" guy

Ooooh man, our first weird inquiry. This married man sent us an email because he was looking to do a couple boudoir shoot with his wife. They have been married for 20 years and they were looking to spice up their relationship. We were pretty happy about it since, at that time, we didn't get a lot of couples interested by a session. So he started to explain what he wanted, sent us example of videos and pictures (remember the dick pic story previously, well those were the beginning). His wife had apparently a big and sexual appetite and they were looking for erotic photography. We explained to him this is not the type of service we offer but we could give them sensual pictures.

We were not against working with them, they wanted to celebrate the love they have for each other by trying a new experience.

Unfortunately he crossed the line when he asked us to dress up very sexy during the shoot so he can be more excited. Now that I think about it, I am happy we didn't go forward with this inquiry: this couple were the lions, we were the gazelles. 

N° 1: The "let's redo American Pie" guy

And the winner is... (actually my little favourite, probably because I watch all of the American Pie movies)
Once upon a time in Toronto town, a man who loved his mom a lot decided to treat her with a boudoir shoot. Such a sweet and thoughtful gentleman who was open minded enough to offer this experience as a gift. Or so we thought.


We replied to this guy to get more details about his request. Why not right?! Maybe his mom asked him to book the shoot for her or maybe it was a gift for his parents' wedding anniversary.

Oh no, it wasn't a fairytale, just a crazy idea: some pictures taken of his mom and his best-friend having sex. The story never said if it was a spam or a serious request. 

My friends, let me remind you that even if we are photographers whose main goal is to highlight sensuality in everybody, it doesn't mean we get sexual pleasure out of it. So keep your pants on, we are not part of your fantaisies, don't plan to be and will never ever touch your purple-helmeted warrior of love.  

 
 

5 reasons to spend more time in adult stores

Sexy Sunday talk: Sex shops! I am pretty sure most of you have been to an adult store before, if not then it’s okay, you probably will after reading this.

 
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The first time in an adult shop is like the first time you make love. It is confusing, we don’t really know where to go, what we can touch… So yeah, not the best experience. Like sexuality, you need to practice to make it feel better and be more confident about it.

It's very likely you will end up doing what 99% of people do: go once, feel weird and you won't try again because you will just rehash that first experience. I personally do not go often, but when I do, I aim for the classy and friendly ones.

Before giving you the reasons why you should embrace your curiosity and take this step, let me tell you about my first time there... when I was 4. Yes, you read right. I actually had to ask my mother to remind me this story, as you know, your memory is not the sharpest at that age.

My mom, my godmother and the four-year-old me were walking downtown Paris, in les Halles area (if you're familiar with Paris!) after our casual Toy Story moving outting. We turned into a street full of sex stores and peep-shows at that time. Because I was very curious, I could not stop asking my mom about those “shops”. She thought it would be a good idea (because of Toy Story) to tell me they were selling toys for adults. Oh mom...

I was just staring at the windows, while my mom and godmother were talking. And suddenly, I just crawled under the curtain (for people who never been to les Halles, lots of those peep-shows don’t have entrance doors per se but velvet curtains instead).

My mom had to go in, get me out and the young salesman was too surprised to catch me while I was running towards the dildos. It was such an awkward moment for the clients who ended up leaving the store because they felt too embarassed to stay. Talk about cockblock.

It took only 2 minutes to my mom to take me out not without bumping into a gentleman going in. He became as red as a tomato and pretended he was going in the wrong store.

I apparently created a big mess that day!

I went back years later with my friends, when I was a teenager. I have lots a great memories about laughing and making jokes at the products.

 
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Here are 5 reasons to spend more time in sex stores:

An other world

I am always amazed to see the diversity of products you can find for sexuality and desire. It is open for all level, either you are looking for something sensual or erotic: massage oils, dildos or silicone vagina, you will find something for you. They have amazing and high quality pieces, like those colorful glass sex toys, they are captivatingly beautiful.

Body-positivity

Sex stores are part of this category of few places where you are free to be yourself. No judgement and everybody is welcome: young adults to older people, women and men, straight or LGBTQ community… No one cares about the way you look or your career, the money you have or the places you are going to. 

Educational

Believe it or not, you can learn very interesting things. Lots of sex shops organize different workshops, from learning how to do a blowjob to communicating your desires to your partner or even getting prepared with your next challenge (being half naked in front of a camera) with a boudoir photography workshop. Oh wait, the last one is done by us!

Personally, I found pretty interesting ones like: “Bigger, better, multiples: orgasms for every body” or “compassionate communication: crossing the bridge to connection”. If you feel attracted by those workshops, Good for Her has great ones.

Amazing lingerie

Oh ladies, the lingerie they have is marvelous and so tasteful.  I am in love every time I am going in a sex shop. Bras, panties, bodysuits, jumpsuits, tights, stockings, thongs, sexy, fancy, with straps, lace, leather… Disneyland for women! Prices are affordable and you have lots of choice.

Great people

Why are adult stores great? Not just because of the products they have but also because of the people who work in those places: open minded, professional, friendly and knowledgeable. They will guide you, answer your questions, show you the new arrivals and make you have a great experience. But no worries if you prefer to not talk to anybody, they will leave you alone.

 
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The time of creepy and crappy places is over! We love clean and friendly stores.  For our scandals who live in Toronto, BlogTo did a great article about the best Sex Shops in town.

It is now your turn to tell us your first experience or best memory from those adult stores!

With love